Please check my IELTS Writing task 1. Thank you very much!

Question

Topic: The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.My essay: The table illustrates the percentage of spending customers for three different categories in five nations in 2002.Overall, it is clear that the demand for food/ drinks/ tobacco is necessary for people, which are presented in the table with the highest spending percentages.  On the other hand, leisure/ education is just paid less attention because people who come from five countries spent the least money on that.Out of five countries, well under a third of spending on food/drinks/tobacco was from people in Turkey, followed by Ireland, with nearly 29%. Similarly, Turkey had also the highest percentage in the leisure/education expenditure, at 4.35%, whereas there was an opposite pattern that can be seen in Spain, at just 1.98%.Comparison to other countries, citizens of Sweden just spent the smallest money on food/ drinks/ tobacco and clothing/ footwear, with 15.77% and 5.40%, respectively. Another point is noticeable that Italian paid the largest money for clothing/ footwear among countries.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table illustrates (poor word choice) the percentage of spending customers (wrong phrase) for three different categories in five nations in 2002. (Incomplete. What are the nations? What are the categories?)

Overall, ~~it is clea~~

Overall, ~~it is clear that the demand for food/ drinks/ tobacco is necessary for people,~~ (Do not write conclusions or inferences in Task 1. The purpose of Task 1 is to describe the information in a figure or table to a math or science professor. Do not analyze or draw any conclusions.) which are presented in the table with the highest spending percentages. On the other hand, leisure/ education is just paid less attention because (Incorrect. This is a conclusion.) people who come from five countries spent the least money on that.

Out of the five countries, (You have not told the reader which countries these are) well under a third of spending on food/drinks/tobacco was from people in Turkey, followed by Ireland, with nearly 29%. Similarly, Turkey had also the highest percentage in the leisure/education area/ category ~~expenditure~~, at 4.35%, whereas the ~~there was an~~ opposite was true for ~~pattern that can be seen~~ in Spain, at just 1.98%.

In comparison to other countries, citizens of Sweden just spent the smallest money (wrong expression. Money is not large or small. ) on food/ drinks/ tobacco and clothing/ footwear, with 15.77% and 5.40%, respectively. ~~Another point is noticeable that~~ Italian (wrong form) paid the largest money for clothing/ footwear among countries.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. In the "vocabulary words" I explain why you have used "illustrate" incorrectly.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Useful words for this essay:
Nationalities:

Turks - people of Turkey (Turkish people)
the Irish - people of Ireland
Spaniards - people of Spain (also the Spanish)
Swedes - people of Sweden
Italians - people of Italy

outlier - a data value that is significantly different than the others. It stands out.

range (verb, also a noun): the span of the extreme values for one measure.

fraction - a division used to make a descriptive comparison between two values.
e.g. A = 100 and B = 18. B is a small fraction of A.

threefold (adjective) = a factor of three greater

Essay for study purposes. This essay is longer than ideal, but gives some example usage of vocabulary words.

Make an essay plan before you write any words!

My essay plan:

Paragraph 1: Describe the table and the column headings.
Paragraph 2: Write 2 or 3 main observations. (highest and lowest category, by average amounts, compare Turkey with Sweden.
Paragraph 3: Write some interesting details. (Include specific numbers from the table.)

Note that in paragraph 2, I added the total percentages for two countries, Turkey and Sweden. They were the highest and lowest. Also, I compared the categories by the average expenditures..

The table compares the percentages of total spending that people in five different countries allocated to three budget categories (food/drink/tobacco, clothing/footwear and leisure/education) in the year 2002. The countries listed are Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey.

Overall, spending was consistently highest in the category "food, drink and tobacco," which averaged 22%, and lowest for "leisure and education", with an average of 2.9%. Turkish people spent a greater percentage of their total spending on these three categories compared to the other four countries, about 43%, while Swedes spent the least, 14%, a threefold difference.

While Turkish people spent the most for food, drink and tobacco, 32.14%, the Irish came in second at 28.91%. The percentages for Italy, Spain, and Sweden were 16.36%, 18.8%, and 15.77% respectively. Spending on the other two categories was a small fraction of the total. Leisure / education was consistently under 5%, with Turkey having the highest value at 4.35%. And that was slightly lower than clothing and footwear, which ranged from 5.40 to 6.63% in all countries with the exception of Italy, an outlier at 9%.

Please check my IELTS Writing task 1. Thank you very much!

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