Please check my IELTS Task 2 writing
Hi
Please review my IELTS Task 2 writing.
Some people think that the best way to be successful in life is to get a university education. Others disagree and say this is no longer true.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people are of the view that the best way of success in life is to have a university education. But, some others disagree with this view. I partially agree with this view.
The proponents of this view believe being successful in life is to live a simple and contented life. They contend university education enables appreciate simplicity in everything instead of luxury or extravagance. Further, the knowledge they acquire in university enables them find a suitable occupation and take care of their needs and those their family. Additionally, the training they have as university students in life skills such as thinking, problem solving, and decision making enables them to deal with ups and down of life confidently.
The opponents of this view argue that equating success with university education is not reasonable. Their principal argument is success in life is primarily to do with how happy one is. To them, happiness depends on various factors and not necessarily only university education. In their view, a person with a high level of university education can feel sad when his or her research fails to find a place in a reputed journal, whereas, an uneducated person running a small shop can be happy when he has earned enough for the present and the future of his family.
I believe that though university education certainly plays an important role in a person’s success, it is not the most essential factor for happiness which determines one’s success more than anything else because happy depends on various factors based on what people aspire in life.
Top answer
- The question said nothing about being happy/contented or otherwise. That is outside the scope of this essay. Thus, you need to radically change your body paragraphs (especially the second one).
- - The question said nothing about being happy/contented or otherwise.
- That is outside the scope of this essay.
- Thus, you need to radically change your body paragraphs (especially the second one).
- - You need to give examples of the points you present.
- - Pay attention to your grammar.
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- The question said nothing about being happy/contented or otherwise. That is outside the scope of this essay. Thus, you need to radically change your body paragraphs (especially the second one).
- You need to give examples of the points you present.
- Pay attention to your grammar. For example, "enables appreciate" is clearly ungrammatical.
Revise and post below.
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