Please check my Ielts task 1

Question

The graph gives information about fluctuation in population in four ethnic communities in New Zealand over a period of 12 years. Overall, these sources of data clearly communicate that the population of the European were higher than the other three groups throughout the whole time frame.

With regard to the Europeans, they were volatile over the period given and reached its peak in 1996. Besides, the Asian were followed by a period of stability from 1990 to 1996. After that, they saw a modest growth in two years’ time, and they abruptly surged in 2002 with population of roughly one thousand people.

On the other hand, the Maori and the Pacific were in a similar fashion. The Maori continued a stable climb with slight acceleration between 1990 and 1998. They hit the highest point in 2000 and experienced a slight lull over the next two years. Likewise, the Pacific remained stable during 12 years and their population was lower than the Maori.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Can you show us the graph please?

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

You need to write about numbers of people, or sizes of populations rather than the people themselves. Otherwise, it sounds very strange.

The (What kind of graph?) graph gives information (Be specific. "information" can mean just about anything. What exactly is plotted on the graph?) about fluctuation (wrong word. Most students use the word incorrectly.) in the population in four ethnic communities (incomplete. Which four are shown?) in New Zealand over a period of 12 years. (What 12 years? 1878-1890? 1910-1922? or something else. You did not tell the reader about the fifth curve. )

You need to be very scientific in Task 1. You need to be complete, precise, and use a factual, neutral vocabulary. When you start writing about the data, rather than the figure itself, start a new paragraph.

Overall, these sources (The figure does not tell you what the sources were. Maybe there is only one for all the data sets..) of data clearly communicate that the population of the European ("the European" is on person from Europe. wrong form) were (wrong verb form) higher than the other three groups (You have not informed the reader of which groups these were.) throughout the whole time frame. (The reader still does not know what years are plotted.)

With regard to the Europeans, they were volatile (A volatile person is one who shows violent emotions. Some Europeans are volatile, but I don't think this is on the graph.) over the period given and reached its peak in 1996. Besides, the Asian (This means one person from Asia.) were followed by (Who followed the Asian?) a period of stability from 1990 to 1996. After that, they saw a modest growth in two years’ time, (The got taller?) and they abruptly surged (Do not use emotionally-laden words in Task 1. Use scientific, mathematical vocabulary) in 2002 with population of roughly one thousand people. (Incorrect number - read the Y axis units carefully.)

On the other hand, the Maori and the Pacific (Pacific is an ocean.) were in a similar fashion. The Maori continued a stable climb (Were they climbing mountains?) with slight acceleration between 1990 and 1998. They hit the highest point in 2000 and experienced a slight lull over the next two years. Likewise, the Pacific (The ocean?) remained stable during 12 years and their population was lower than the Maori.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. Also, when you mention data values, be sure to write the correct numbers.

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Please check my Ielts task 1

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