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Kedra Posted 20 years ago
Grammar
Please check my grammar and style in the following passage. Thank you!
I appreciate any feedback, advice and comments you might have regarding the below passage:
Tomorrow is with small vacation rental business!
When we build a business on the Internet, in most cases we naturally wish to become a large-scale, globally known company. No wonder. Now, let me ask you if you feel more comfortable in an over-crowded mall where you are one of hundreds of faceless customers or in a cozy small shop round the corner, where you are one of a few valuable visitors? Do you prefer to be treated like one out of hundreds or like an individual? Do you like when every of your specific need is important to a sales person like his own one?
While you are thinking about this, let me start with my own conclusion: the less business you have, the more are your chances to succeed. Sound unrealistic? Well, how about the facts?
Many thanks to those, who could answer!
Tomorrow is with small vacation rental business!
When we build a business on the Internet, in most cases we naturally wish to become a large-scale, globally known company. No wonder. Now, let me ask you if you feel more comfortable in an over-crowded mall where you are one of hundreds of faceless customers or in a cozy small shop round the corner, where you are one of a few valuable visitors? Do you prefer to be treated like one out of hundreds or like an individual? Do you like when every of your specific need is important to a sales person like his own one?
While you are thinking about this, let me start with my own conclusion: the less business you have, the more are your chances to succeed. Sound unrealistic? Well, how about the facts?
Many thanks to those, who could answer!
Top answer
Good attack, Kedra, but you need to pare it down more, make it slicker and quicker. Revision is a process of eliminating all the unnecessary verbiage. For instance, this says everything you said-- and it is much easier for the client to read and absorb: Tomorrow-- small vacation rentals!
- Good attack, Kedra, but you need to pare it down more, make it slicker and quicker.
- Revision is a process of eliminating all the unnecessary verbiage.
- For instance, this says everything you said-- and it is much easier for the client to read and absorb: Tomorrow-- small vacation rentals!
- When we build an Internet business, we naturally wish to become a large-scale, global company.
- But, do you feel more comfortable in an overcrowded mall as one of hundreds of faceless customers-- or as a valued guest in a cozy shop?
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3 Answers
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Good attack, Kedra, but you need to pare it down more, make it slicker and quicker. Revision is a process of eliminating all the unnecessary verbiage. For instance, this says everything you said-- and it is much easier for the client to read and absorb:
Tomorrow-- small vacation rentals!
When we build an Internet business, we naturally wish to become a large-scale, gl
Tomorrow-- small vacation rentals!
When we build an Internet business, we naturally wish to become a large-scale, gl
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Thank you so much, I know redundancy is my problem. The English language is more laconic than my native one. Once again, thank you for your help.
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0 hi iam deepa i have done my bca now currently iam working in salzer electronics ltd 0-
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