Please check my essay introduction

Question

Have you ever felt uneasy when you were alone in the dark? In the past there was a common belief in superstition. Furthermore, from the very beginning people have always feared the dark, associating it with the negative meaning. Darkness was thought to provide shelter for nasty creatures. Moreover, it serves them as a hideout where they use their cunningness to scheme evil deeds as some people still believe it today. Each negative thing, however, has the opposite, since there are two sides to every coin. For instance, in Bram Stoker's novel Dracula there are many contrasts between good and evil. On one hand, vile creatures prey on their victims, but on the other hand, a group of people confronts them risking their own lives to save mankind. Additionally, they fight the battle from which they may not return.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I would suggest that you need to make the introduction more focussed. You don't give an indication of the level you are writing to, but these would be my pointers.

-Fear of the dark is a rooted superstition (your second sentence doesn't quite fit)

-Avoid 'from the very beginning' unless it is a direct quotation

-'a negative meaning' rather than 'the'

-The two sentences beginning 'darkness was thought to provide shelter...' - You change tense in the second sentence.

-Try and restructure sentences to avoid 'furthermore' and 'moreover'. These should be reserved for when you're arguing rather than your introduction.

Cut the intro down to make it concise and outline your argument. It sounds as if your argument is basically:

-Although humans' fear of the dark is considered a primal instinct, and darkness is often portrayed as being a shelter for evil; the theme of darkness in literature is much more complex.

Without knowing your title I could be wrong, but you need to use the introduction of an essay to firmly tell your reader what you are going to argue. This means explaining your conclusion from the beginning. The conclusion shouldn't be a surprise when they get to it! By throwing lots of examples into your essay right at the beginning without actually bolstering your argument in any way you devalue it.

Hope this is of some help.

Please check my essay introduction

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