Please Check My Essay - Ielts writing task 2

Question

Task 2: The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree?In the present age, an uprising number of accidents is alarming without such a proper solution to frustrate the situation. Therefore, some individuals are of the opinion that it should be provided more stricter law punishments in order to ensure the safety of people participating in traffic. In my way of thinking, I entirely disagree with this point of view as the safety on road is the complex interplay of many factors.To start with, it is noteworthy that before forming the traffic laws, there is the deliberate consideration of government in many aspects to express the general punishments to those who drive illegally. Thereby, there is no need to raise more the penalties and in fact that the solutions are in other perspectives. The first thing of concern is the road infrastructure which is also a major factor giving rise to the accidents. Admittedly, the road condition need to be tightly-controlled by the government as if there is any malfunction part of the road can adversely adopt to the people’s safety. In addition, there is also the requirement of road expansion as well as logical route assignment to serve people in the most convenient way.Otherwise, comprehensive knowledge of traffic laws is crucial to heighten the individual awareness of accidents instead of raising the punishments. The engagement of media as well as the investment of government will have the beneficial influences on this issue. For instance, traffic’s law education is instrumental in teaching people the plausible way to drive safely. Furthermore, more news and cautions should be provided which lies at a heart of safe driving and the fatal threats of accidents.To put it in a nutshell, raising more stringent punishments is considered not the effective solution to improve the safety of people. On the other hand, the awareness of individual and the government actions in funding more road infrastructure and media are given importance to this issue.Thanks for your advice in advance.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

In the present age, (This is not a good start) an uprising (An uprising is a revolt of people against the government.) number of accidents is alarming without such a proper solution to frustrate (You can't use "frustrate" here.) the situation.

Here is a

Here is an opening sentence.

An effective solution to reduce the number of accidents on highways and streets is needed.

Therefore, some individuals are of the opinion that it should be provided (Wrong use of passive voice.) more stricter (Do not use "more" with a comparative adjective. "stricter" or "more strict") law punishments in order to ensure the safety of people participating in traffic. (That is not a good phrase.)

Therefore, some individuals are of the opinion that the police need to enforce the laws more strictly, and reckless drivers should be punished more severely in order to ensure the safety of other drivers.

In my way of thinking, I entirely disagree with this point of view as the safety on road is the complex interplay of many factors.

To start with, it is noteworthy that before forming the traffic laws, there is the deliberate consideration of government in many aspects to express the general punishments to those who drive illegally.

(I have no idea what you mean. "Driving illegally" means that the driver does not have a valid driver's license. )

Maybe this:

When a law is made, the authorities define punishments for people who break the law, based on the circumstances.  For example, consider speed limits. If someone is driving too fast near a school or park where children are playing, the penalty should be very high. But if they are speeding on a highway with no traffic, the penalty should not be very high. So the penalties have already been set for infractions.

(I did not give you any more example sentences. You can try to writ these yourself.)

Thereby, there is no need to raise ~~more~~ the penalties more. ~~and~~ In fact that the solutions are in other areas. ~~perspectives~~. The first thing of concern is the road infrastructure which is also a major factor contributing ~~giving rise~~ to the accidents. Admittedly, the road conditions need to be tightly- (no hyphen) controlled by the government as if there is any malfunction part of the road (What do you mean?) can adversely adopt to the people’s safety. In addition, there is also the requirement of road expansion as well as logical route assignment (What do you mean?) to serve people in the most convenient way.

Otherwise, comprehensive knowledge of traffic laws is crucial to heighten the individual awareness of ~~accidents~~ the laws and penalties instead of raising the punishments. The engagement of media as well as the investment of government will have the beneficial influences on this issue. For instance, traffic’s law education is instrumental in teaching people the plausible way to drive safely. Furthermore, more news and cautions should be provided which lies at a heart of safe driving and the ~~fatal threats of~~ prevention of accidents.

To put it in a nutshell, raising more stringent punishments is ~~considered~~ not an ~~the~~ effective solution to improve road ~~the~~ safety ~~of people~~. On the other hand, the awareness of individual and the government actions in funding better ~~more~~ road infrastructure and media are important. ~~given importance to this issue~~.

Please Check My Essay - Ielts writing task 2

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