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Anonymous Posted 7 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please check my essay and have a nice day!

Please check my essay and give a ballpark score for this IELTS task2 essay and have a nice day!

Some think that governments should spend money on creating new public buildings such as museums, city halls, others believe that money should be spent on protecting existing ones.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are those who believe that governments ought to build new public buildings, for example, museums, city halls, however others believe that governments should just maintain existing ones.

From an overall perspective, there are two cogent reasons why people are of the opinion that governments ought to build new public buildings. possibly the most logically compelling reason is that in the current climate modern new public buildings play an important role in public services more efficiently. For example, new public museums can display artworks in a wider room that can cater for cutting edge bulky computers and its larger than usual monitor and without the hassle of installing wire and cables. This is important because the number of museum visitor in most countries is declining. As a positive result more and more people especially millennials are visiting new museums. Another sound reason in favour of this is that newly-erected city halls can provide a one-stop shopping experience for all public enquiries. This is because the public does not want to go to separate departments, which can time consuming

In general, despite these arguments, there is also a case for the idea that governments should just renovate old public buildings instead destroying the existing ones. The valid reason in favour of this is that governments can save public expenditure on museums and allocate for other public purposes. This is because it is largely cheaper to maintain and renovate museums. As a result government public expenditure on health and education increase, which results in more teachers and nurses employment. A further bona fide reason in support of this is that governments can maintain old city halls and make online city halls, where the public can submit and enquire online.

In conclusion, I believe that governments should only erect new public building where the existing one is not suitable for rising public services, and should provide online museums and Internet-based city halls.

  

Top answer

You need to review the use of commas . You made two mistakes with commas in the first sentence, and you continue to miss commas or use them improperly throughout the essay. Comma Splice Error: There are those who believe that governments ought to build new public buildings, for example, museums, (comma usage error, missing word) city hal ls, (comma splice error) however others believe that governments should just maintain existing ones.

  • You need to review the use of commas .
  • You made two mistakes with commas in the first sentence, and you continue to miss commas or use them improperly throughout the essay.
  • Comma Splice Error: There are those who believe that governments ought to build new public buildings, for example, museums, (comma usage error, missing word) city hal ls, (comma splice error) however others believe that governments should just maintain existing ones.
  • From an overall perspective, there are two cogent reasons why people are of the opinion that governments ought to build new public buildings.
  • p ossibly the most logically compelling reason is that in the current climate (missing comma) modern new public buildings play an important role in public services (period, end of sentence) more efficiently .
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1 Answers
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You need to review the use of commas. You made two mistakes with commas in the first sentence, and you continue to miss commas or use them improperly throughout the essay.

Comma Splice Error:

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