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Topic of IELTS task 2: Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?There are many arguments of conserving wild creatures. Some individuals concur that a tremendous amount of expenditure should be poured into the preservation of species. While others think that this investment should be expended for the sake of humanity. From my point of view, I vehemently concur that animals should be concerned.To begin with, creatures play a crucial role in humans’ life. It has profound impacts on not only agriculture but also daily routine. Animals help people in travelling or working. Moreover, creatures also bring a wide range of products such as milk or meat. Cows, for instance, provide milk for citizen everyday. Another reason is that wild species are a value resource for researches discovering ecology. Thanks to experiments on animals, experts could find some treatments or new medicines to solve diseases. As a result, residents can avoid influences of epidemic and keep healthy.Furthermore, humans are the main culprit of animals’ extinction. They have not only polluted water resource but also destroyed rainforests which are creatures’ habitat. Therefore, people should take responsibility for their faults. If individuals so not conserve animals, they can be eliminated. That leads to disappearance of valuable genetic reservoirs and amount of ecologic knowledge. Additionally, animal planet is extremely glamour. The citizens should preserve it for issues. Penguin could be disappeared if people do not conserve, then the young will not know this species in the future.To conclude, it is worthy when individuals allocate for conservation wild animals instead of human population.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Hi there,

There are several problems with that essay.

1- A lot of the essay is off topic. For example, in the first paragraph, you talk about cows/agriculture, but that is outside the scope of the essay question. You were asked to talk about wild animals, and whether it is a good idea to spend money conserving them.

2- You need to write in a simpler and more direct manner. Otherwise, you risk making your text unnatural and difficult to follow.

3- In the conclusion, summarize your main findings/points. Do not just write a general/broad statement.

Here are two possible topic sentences you can use at the start of your body paragraphs.

[ Body paragraph 1]

To begin with, wild creatures are of great value and play a crucial role in the world. ~~humans’ life.~~

[ Body paragraph 2]

Furthermore, humans are the main culprits behind the extinction of species in recent times, so we have a moral duty to conserve wildlife.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Topic of IELTS task 2: Some people think that ~~a huge amount of~~ too much time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There are

There are many arguments for of conserving wild creatures. Some individuals concur that a tremendous amount of expenditure (wrong word) should be poured into the preservation of species. While others think that this investment should be expended for the sake of humanity. (Incomplete sentence, fragment) From my point of view, I vehemently concur that animals should be concerned. (Are the animals worried that they might not get the funds they need? Concerned = worried)

To begin with, creatures play a crucial role in humans’ life. (unnatural) It ( What is "it"?) has profound impacts on not only agriculture but also (missing word) daily routine. Animals help people in travelling or working. Moreover, creatures also bring a wide range of products such as milk or meat. (Wild animals? Sheep, goats, cows and camels are domesticated. They are not wild.) Cows, for instance, provide milk for citizen (wrong form) everyday. (But cows are not wild animals.) Another reason is that wild species are a value resource for researches (wrong form) discovering ecology. Thanks to experiments on animals, (But experimental animals are specially-bred species such as white mice, monkeys, pigs and dogs. They are not wild animals.) experts could find some treatments or new medicines to solve (wrong word. We solve problems and puzzles, not diseases.) diseases. As a result, residents (wrong word) can avoid ~~influences of~~ epidemic (wrong form) and keep healthy. (Most of this paragraph is off-topic.)

Furthermore, humans are the main culprit of animals’ extinction. They have not only polluted water resource (wrong form) but also destroyed rainforests which are (missing word) creatures’ habitat. Therefore, people should take responsibility for their faults. If individuals so not conserve animals, they can be eliminated. (wrong word) That leads to disappearance of valuable genetic reservoirs and amount (wrong word) of ecologic (wrong form) knowledge. Additionally, animal planet (The TV show?) is extremely glamour. (wrong form) The citizens should preserve it for issues.(wrong word) Penguin (wrong form) could be disappeared (wrong form) if people do not conserve, then the young will not know this species (There are 17 different species of penguins. Which one are yo talking about?) in the future.

To conclude, it is worthy when individuals allocate for conservation wild animals instead of human population. (ungrammatical sentence)

Please check my essay and estimate it for me!

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