Please check my essay

this is my essay . this is one of the requirements for scholarship consideration of my intended university .
anybody who wants to help me, please check it thoroughly . I need your help , friends. thank you very much . please send me your comments as acrimonious as possible . Please tell me all the weakness .
once again ,thank you very much friends.

Essentially, everyone must have at least one experience which has significantly colored their life. The same thing with me, I do have it too. It was when I joined National Science Olympiad (NSO) Physics division. I stumbled on the selection process in which selected students will be able to compete in the national level. It was a painful shellacking for me. I tried to overcome it and realized that I lacked preparation for the Olympiad.

My failure has triggered me to defeat the next NSO. I committed to prepare myself better. I began with evaluating my shortcoming thoroughly, setting target as high as possible and affirmed myself that I could do it. I studied eight hours a day without any exception upon physics training held by my school. I encouraged all of my friends who joined NSO to do such attempt. Thus, whatever happened, stop studying was not among us.

Our endeavor led us to an execellent result. Six from ten students in our team deserved the medals award in the recent NSO. I got bronze medal. I was so happy, proud, and satisfied. We broke the record, for being the first team from our state that got such amazing achievement. Now, I am in a national physics training. All of my attempt was not in vain.

Finally,I find that physics is very interesting and enjoyable. I solemnly want to study physics deeper and learn how to apply it to the more real complex issues. I am dreaming to create a great technology that would be worthwhile to NTU and mankind. I believed that once my stronger character and leadership, which has been formed by the past failure, is combined with the supporting circumstances in NTU, I will reach my dream.