Please check my blog post

Question

hello ia mwirting guide for dragon quest 9 in my blog, many say thaht my english is terrible but they never tell me what i am doing wrong there.
if anyone can check my game guide, i am really appreaciated. i really want to write better in english please tell me how should i write. Please if you found mistake in my blog post, please tell me and teach me what i should write to correct it. Thank you very much
please check one of my post here

(URL removed)

thank you very much.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hi Bambang:

We can give you suggestions on text that you post here.
We will make corrections here and then you can ask why we make certain changes. That will help you to improve your writing. Post short articles - just one or two paragraphs at a time. Make your text as perfect as you can.

There is a shift key on your keyboard, and it is necessary to use this key to write good English. We are not motivated to help people who are too sloppy or lazy to use the shift key! To get started, here are some suggestions on your post.

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Hello, I am writing a guide for Dragon Quest 9 in my blog. Many say thaht my English is terrible but they never tell me what I am doing wrong there.
If anyone would ~~can~~ check my game guide, I would am really appreaciated it. I really want to write better in English. Please tell me how I can improve my ~~should i~~ writing. Please, if you find ~~found~~ mistakes in my blog post, please tell me and teach me what I should write to correct it. Thank you very much.

Bambang kurniawan · Answer

Thank you for your reply. Sorry for lazy habit press shift on my keyboard, I will change it from now. Now I realize how many mistakes I already commited.
my question:
1. why is "can" changed to would? ( I ask you if you were "able to". Able to =can, isn't it?)
2. why is "am" replaced with "would"?? I realized about past tense fault (appreciated) but can't i say " I am really appreciate it"

I am really happy with your answer because it is the first time I know "where my fault is" (or where is my fault; which is the correct one?

).
Definitely willl love this commmunity.
Thank you very much.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Hi Bambang:

I changed can to would because can is asking about someone's ability to do something, not about their willingness to do it.

Would is used for a polite request.

Bambang kurniawanI am really appreciate it"

Appreciate is a verb, like go or run.
We don't write:
I am go.
I am run.
So we don't write: I am appreciate it.

Would is used in conditional sentences to show choice or possibility:

If you help me, I would be happy.
If you help me, I would appreciate it.

Bambang kurniawan · Answer

Here is some text from my blog post which I want to ask:
(if you read it you will find that I overuse "and then" phrase. Is there any phrase or word that I can use to correct this problem?, sorry for long text but i really need to know where my mistakes are)

===

Go to blue tree near Alltrades Abbey and summon the train.You will see an event on the train. Don't bother to fight the Boss, it is undefeatable. You will fall down to wormwood creek.
Here are few lists you can do in this town:

(a lot of lists)

After you have done all of those things, go rest until evening then go to church. You will see an event; get out from wormwood and head to northwest (2).

Follow the way in this forest and then check the hole in the end of forest. Enter, grab Lucida shard from the treasure chest and then talk to Wallace. Get out and you will see an event with ghost, back to wormwood creek.
Examine guardian statue near the weapon shop, Wallace will tell you that it is not statue original location. Go to church and check grave stone in north east; take serene necklace. Now back to forest where you met with the ghost and give her the necklace. She will agree to break the seal. Back to wormwood to recover your party and then go to northwest.

Monster alert: Liquid metal slime. Like other slime family, I am sure it will give you massive experience, but this one is hard to kill; because a lot of hp (maybe 8, I only manage to cause 6 damage and it run away). Also, I think this monster is harder to find compared his other family, because i haven't found it again since it ran away.

Grab 3 blue chests on the east side of the area (I got prayer ring from here;it is quite good can be used to replenish user's MP). Head to north to enter the cave. You are free to choose any hole to enter because they are lead to same place (different spot). Head to southeast stairs and go up to unlock the door on first area. Go to north stairs and then go down, grab holy talisman on the north side of the area. Be careful when you check blue chest near light gauntlet because it may become cannibox.

Go to B3,in here you can get gold bar from southeast and blue chest on north west. Go up using west stairs and continue wall through the corridor until you arrive in small building.Heal your party, enter the temple and you will fight with the boss

Be careful when the boss is enraged (watch the text description text to know who is being targeted by him) then choose defend command because if you not defend, his attack in enraged mode can cause about 140 damage (my martial arts survive this attack because I already cast buff upon him before this attack). Other than that attack he posses little threat to your party, make sure you increase your priest agility to make sure he/she can act first before the boss attack. His attacks pattern:

After successfully defeating him, take the bow from the pedestal and get out from this dungeon.

==
Thank you very much.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Go to the blue tree near Alltrades Abbey and summon the train. You will see an event (?) on the train. Don't bother to fight the Boss, it is undefeatable. You will fall down to wormwood creek.
Here are few lists of things you can do in this town: (Usually list is singular: here is a list of...)

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After you have done all of those things, go rest until evening. After resting, ~~then~~ go to church (do you mean to worship in the church?). You will see an event (?) ; get out from wormwood and head to northwest (2).

Follow the way (path?) in this forest and then check the hole at in the end of forest. Enter, grab Lucida's shard from the treasure chest and ~~then~~ talk to Wallace. When you get out ~~and~~ you will see an event(?) with a ghost, but just go back to wormwood creek.
Examine the guardian statue near the weapons shop. Wallace will tell you that it is not the statue's original location. Go to church (do you mean to worship in the church? you probably mean to "go to the church's graveyard"). and check the grave stone in the north east corner; take the serene necklace. Now return back to the forest where you met with the ghost and give her the necklace. She will agree to break the seal. Go back to wormwood to recover your party and then go to northwest.

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I have to check out now...
Hope this helps,
A-

s

Bambang kurniawan · Answer

Event is kind of a movie, we call this event in video game, so what I mean when I write "see an event" is you will see a movie that has something important.

thank you for mentioning about list ( I thought if it is more than one i must use are).

From now, i won't mentioning "go" I always said go .. go ...

when is I must use "and then" or "and"?

why you change get back into return back??

Thanks for your help today. I will do my best to improve my English. I hope you can help me again next time.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Bambang kurniawanEvent is kind of a movie, we call this event in video game, so what I mean when I write "see an event" is you will see a movie that has something important.

OK for event. I suppose it is a common term in video games.

Bambang kurniawanwhen is I must use "and then" or "and"?

When you want to indicate that a second action follows in sequence from the first, use next or then.

He went to the grocery store and the bank. (He went to both places, and you don't care about the order.)

He went to the bank to get some money, and then he went to the grocery store. (He had to go to the bank first!)

Bambang kurniawanwhy you change get back into return back??

Get back has a different meaning than go back or return back,

I'll get back to you - I will call you later when I have the information.
Get back - move backwards (slowly) away from something:
Get back from the Boss.
Get back from the edge of the cliff.

Bambang kurniawan · Answer

Okay thank you very much, now i understand difference between "and then" and "and". Please check my new post (I already checked it 3 times and it seems it is perfect LOL. Please see):

When you return to the town, you will see a lot of army. Talk with one of them near the town entrance and then you will enter the battle. Go to the cave that leads to Magmaroo, you will see the old lady has returned. Go to west house to obtain drunken dragon and then go to Stornway to drop your party members. Go to Magmaroo-summit and then talk with Greygnarl (you must come alone!!);equip all dragon equipment and talk with him once more. You will see an epic event and then you will end up in Gorfortress. Just follow what the guard says until you meet with Sterling. Talk with everyone here (you can also save your game here by talking to the priest. There is also items shop near the priest). When you already finished talking with everyone try to pass through shield field. It will trigger an event, talk with Sterling to return to Jail. On the night accept Sterling’s plan, Next morning go to workplace and then you will see an event. Make sure you equip all your previous equipment and then go to north tower by passing through shield field. You can also back to Stornway to gather your party. Climb up the tower and check red generator. You will enter the battle with lethal armor, if you have equipped all your armor it will be easy but if not you will probably dead (except you are in ultra high level or have lvl 100 skill on fist skill). If you are still dead (it happens to me LOL) you will revived on upover church, zoom to Stornway to get all your party back. Return to Gortress (use zoom) now it is time for revenge.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Bambang;

A common error you make is to splice sentences together. Use the period and (not as often) the semicolon (;) to end a sentence. You also frequently omit articles (the, a, an). These are common mistakes, so don't worry too much about it. Just pay more careful attention to these.

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When you return to the town, you will see a lot of army (either say "a large army" or "many soldiers".) Talk with one of them near the town entrance and then you will enter the battle. Go to the cave that leads to Magmaroo; you will see the old lady has returned. Go to west (when you make an instruction to proceed in a direction, say either "go west" or "go to the west" or "go in a westerly direction." If there is an object there, say "go to the tree to the west," or "go to the tree on the west side of the house") house to obtain drunken dragon and then go to Stornway to drop off your party members. Go to Magmaroo-summit and then talk with Greygnarl (you must come alone!!); equip(? put on or " take all the dragon equipment with you") all dragon equipment (? protective gear) and talk with him once more. You will see an epic event and then you will end up in Gorfortress. Just follow what the guard says until you meet with Sterling. Talk with everyone here (you can also save your game here by talking to the priest. There is also a ~~items~~ shop with items near the priest). When you have ~~already~~ finished talking with everyone try to pass through the shield field. It will trigger an event; talk with Sterling to return to Jail. On the night ("That night," or "when night falls") accept Sterling’s plan. The next morning go to the workplace and then you will see an event. Make sure you equip yourself with all the ~~your previous~~ equipment that you have and then go to the north tower by passing through the shield field. You can also back to Stornway to gather your party together. Climb up the tower and check the red generator. You will enter the battle with lethal armor (the armor will kill you?) . If you have equipped all your armor(if you have dressed yourself in all the armor you acquired as I have instructed), it will be easy, but if not you will probably dead (except if you are in an ultra high skill level or have lvl 100 skill on fist skill). If you are still dead (it happens to me LOL) you will revived on at Upover Church. Zoom to Stornway to get all your party (party means companions) back. Return to Gortress (use zoom). Now it is time for revenge.

Please check my blog post

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