Please check my advice letter

Hi.Here is my writing.It's a advice letter.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Tom,
I'm sorry to hear your problem. When I was Form 4 student, I faced the same problem too.Don't upset about this. I think we can fix this together.
First of all, you said you didn't have any privacy because you lived in a small flat. When your friends call you, everyone at home can hear what you were saying. I think you can tell your friends call you at the night time.When your family are watching television, maybe they will not hear what you're saying. Besides, you can use the computer to send an instant message to your friends. Perhaps it's a good idea that your family can't hear what you're saying.

Second, you need a talk with your mother. Tell them you cannot concentrate on your study because it's very noisy and crowded at your house. If this idea do not work, you can do your homework with your friends at study room. That place is really quiet so you don't have to start your homework until after midnight. You know what? When you working until midnight, it's not good for your health.

Third, you cannot get the job because you haven't get enought money. Listen to me, if you working after school, you will get a bad result for your study. Don't pay attention on money. If you need it, just tell your mother. Ask her you need money to go out with your friends. Don't even think drop out of school and find a full-time job. It's really stupid that because of money.
I understand you want to solve this problems. But I think it's better to have a talk with your family. I hope they will understand your situation.

Hope my advice can help you!Write soon!
Yous sincerely,

Nicky
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please mark my writing.Sorry for my grammatical errors. ):