Please check for my ielts writing task 1

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Topic: The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.You should write at least 150 words.My essay:This line graph analyses annual consumptions on cell phone and household phone averagely in US from 2001 to 2010.About cell phone services marked with the green line the use of this type increased gradually from the point of $200 at the begin year in 2001 and developed toward up-trend line optimistically until 2010 - the end point of the period researched. The finish year of the graph is also the peak point which reveals the customers on cell phone is up to approximately $700 and a half $100Residential phone services are seen easily with the decrease trend in the period of 10 years (2001-2010). The year that is assessed as the highest number of consumption on homely phone is 2001 with the average total useage about nearly $700.The opposite trend on 2 lines marked with 2 different colours emphasizes the growth well on phone market toward the developed cell phone trend. The use of cell phone is highly at the point of $700 in 2010 instead of slightly higher $400 of the residential phone services in the exactly same year.To conclude, the expenditures on cell phone in US is up to higher $700 meaning that the technology of the country basically has been developing too. This is a good hint predictably about the future of cell phone's world still more and more grown

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

trang1112This line graph analyses annual consumptions on cell phone and household phone averagely in US from 2001 to 2010.

The wrong words are highlighted. Here is a natural English description.

The line graph compares the average outlay, in dollars, of US consumers for two types of telephone service, cellular and fixed line (residential), between 2001 and 2010.

Consumption is non-count. The plural is incorrect. Also, it is related to eating. We do not eat phones. It is also an old word for the disease tuberculosis.

Averagely is not a good word.

trang1112About the cell phone services ~~marked with the green line~~ the use of this type increased gradually from the point of $200 at the begin year in 2001 and developed toward up-trend line optimistically until 2010 - the end point of the period researched.

Do not write about the line colors.

Your sentences is long and awkward with many words used incorrectly.

Here is a natural English version of your sentence.

The spending on cell phone services increased gradually from $200 in 2001 to $800 in 2010.

But in the second paragraph write the main features. Do not give specific data values. Here is a natural version of paragraph 2.

Overall, this period was characterized by a steady linear decline in fixed-line services and a corresponding increase in cell phone services, with equal yearly spending occurring in the middle of the period, 2006.

trang1112The finish year of the graph is also the peak point which reveals the customers on cell phone is up to approximately $700 and a half $100

1) Finish year is not a good phrase. Use "the last year" or "the final year."

2) There is no peak on this graph.

3) The data does not plot the number of customers.

4.) The phrase $700 and a half $100 makes no sense.

Here is an example detail paragraph:

In detail, in the first year of the period, 2001, US consumers paid just under $700 for residential service and about $500 less for cell phone service, or about $210. From that point, their spending on fixed line services went down continuously at a rate of approximately $30 per year, to end at $400 in 2010. In contrast, these consumers increased the amount they paid for cell phone services at a rate of about $55 per year, ending at about $760 in 2010. These two values crossed over in 2006 at an amount of about $540. In 2010, the cost of cell phone service was, on average, $70 higher than that of the fixed line service in 2001.

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