Please Check And Score My Ielts Writing Task 2?

Topic:

Nowadays, the internet have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development?

My task:

It is true that average people across the globe can become known more easily than was previously possible owing to the advent of the internet. While this trend may be detrimental to some extent, I would argue that it has more positive effect as a whole.

There are some drawbacks towards the trend that the internet has made the lottery of stardom available to anyone with a smartphone. Many people may achieve fame without really working for it, but owing to their attractive appearances or inherited money from their parents. This phenomenon promotes the idea that appearance and glamour are more important than hard work and good character. This message to young people is that success can be achieved easily, and that school work is not necessary. Furthermore, some influencers may monetize their popularity by selling products, the quality of which often cannot justify their price. Sometimes these products even are not up to standard and do the harm to health of their fans who are keen to emulate the behaviors of people they adore without a doubt.

Despite the drawbacks mentioned above, I believe that the internet allowing for more people to become famous is a positive development for various reasons. Side hustle via the internet is likely to relieve personal financial pressure. Live-streamers, for example, are able to start to live-stream broadcasts after a day work in the offices and earn extra money, almost all of it from virtual gifts. This can help them to top up income and smooth out earnings if other sources of work dry up. Besides, since the internet offer the platform where people can share some thoughtful ideas with others more easily and get more feedback. The support from followers could motivate celebrities to contribute to more. At the same time, this high-quality information available to more internet users on the planet is likely to promote the flourish of culture.

In conclusion, while I recognize the possible disadvantages of the ordinary people becoming stars, I consider it to be a positive development overall.