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Ernest1a Posted 18 years ago
Letter Writing
please check a short copywriting text.
Hi,
I just got grammar correction of text I wrote. Thanks to member optilang for corrections. It is a text script for speaker for video presentation of my website. I am not fluently in English but I would like just to make some sentences more easy and "juicy". Please could you check the text and advice me which sentences would you change and how. The text is:
»Hi,
This is Nick, welcome to [name of portal]. Let's go to the tour!
[name of portal] is about living places, people from those places and their habbits. You can discover famous places like Paris, Rome, Rio de Janeiro and so on or idyllic places which you have never heard of before.
The most important is that you can find somebody from the place that you want to visit. That person lives there so he or she must know everything about that place. And not just that!¨You can also find a free hosting, company or guide .
[name of website] gives you all the information you need about the place. And if any information you need is not posted yet, you can simply send an automatic request to all our members from that place.
Even if you don't plan to travel you can use [name of website] to show to the world where you live, to share photos, videos, updates and other stuff.
All members have, together with their profiles, also their living place card. Everybody from the same place can edit that place, adding new sections with text, photos or videos.
It is a fully secured network system. The system calculates peoples' credibility score which makes sure only credible members can contact other credible members.
So it is Useful, funny and also highly secured.
Ready to start? [name of portal]!"
Thank you!
I just got grammar correction of text I wrote. Thanks to member optilang for corrections. It is a text script for speaker for video presentation of my website. I am not fluently in English but I would like just to make some sentences more easy and "juicy". Please could you check the text and advice me which sentences would you change and how. The text is:
»Hi,
This is Nick, welcome to [name of portal]. Let's go to the tour!
[name of portal] is about living places, people from those places and their habbits. You can discover famous places like Paris, Rome, Rio de Janeiro and so on or idyllic places which you have never heard of before.
The most important is that you can find somebody from the place that you want to visit. That person lives there so he or she must know everything about that place. And not just that!¨You can also find a free hosting, company or guide .
[name of website] gives you all the information you need about the place. And if any information you need is not posted yet, you can simply send an automatic request to all our members from that place.
Even if you don't plan to travel you can use [name of website] to show to the world where you live, to share photos, videos, updates and other stuff.
All members have, together with their profiles, also their living place card. Everybody from the same place can edit that place, adding new sections with text, photos or videos.
It is a fully secured network system. The system calculates peoples' credibility score which makes sure only credible members can contact other credible members.
So it is Useful, funny and also highly secured.
Ready to start? [name of portal]!"
Thank you!
Top answer
I made wrong expression. It is not copywriting text but script text for speaker for website video tutorial. Here is corrected version, I would like to ask you if you can check for any nonsense or any huge grammar mistake.
- I made wrong expression.
- It is not copywriting text but script text for speaker for website video tutorial.
- Here is corrected version, I would like to ask you if you can check for any nonsense or any huge grammar mistake.
- Tnx!
- »Hi, This is Nick, welcome to [name of portal].
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1 Answers
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I made wrong expression. It is not copywriting text but script text for speaker for website video tutorial. Here is corrected version, I would like to ask you if you can check for any nonsense or any huge grammar mistake. Tnx!
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