0
GeorgFriedrich Posted 21 years ago
Letter Writing
Please be so kind and correct my letter of Motivation
0 Hi, 02 br
02 br
00 I´m writing a "Letter of Motivation" for a Study Programm. Please be so kind and help me to find my mistakes, grammar errors and somehow "D-English" expressions. 02 br
00 Sorry for BLOCKING out the school names, but privacy is nice to have 05 0 02 br
02 br
00 Thanks a lot from Germany 02 br
02 br
00 cu 02 br
00 Georg 02 br
02 br
00 --------------------------- 02 br
02 br
00 Dear Sir or Madam, 02 br
02 br
00 At first I would like to thank for the interesting Open and Buddy Days. They have gave me a unique insight into UNIVERSITY2 and convinced me to choose Hospitality Management in UNIVERSITY2 . 02 br
02 br
00 Consequentially I would like to apply for admission to Hospitality Management in September 2000. 02 br
02 br
00 I did a 3-year-apprenticeship as a chef in PLACE1 and Place2 till April 2000. In the first part of my apprenticeship we served 800 plates a day with several different types of diets for medical and health reasons whereas at Orangerie we served 30 plates a day with a focus on gourmets. Both parts gave me a broad view into hospitality. 02 br
02 br
00 Afterwards I succeed in serving my 10 months military service at PLACE3. 02 br
00 I worked there as a `Head of Ordonnanz` and chef. Leading a team of up to 20 Ordonnanzen (staff) I was in charge of organising celebrations and events with up to 100 guests. There I was awarded for exceptional work in June 2000. 02 br
02 br
00 Thereafter I went to SCHOOL where I obtained my general qualification for university entrance in June 2000. 02 br
02 br
00 When I started studying business economics at UNIVERSITY1 I wanted a good economical background for a leading position in the Hospitality Industry. But I realized that their theoretical approach doesn’t fit my needs. 02 br
02 br
00 I’ve searched for a mixture of Theory and Praxis approach which equips me with the knowledge needed for Hospitality Management. I found it in your Study programme. 02 br
02 br
00 I’ve chosen Hospitality Management for the challenging and prospering approach, but furthermore for the working ambience in Hospitality. I am into this unique mixture of passion, stress and perfectionism dedicated to improve our customer’s satisfaction. Their smile makes this branch so unique, their pleasure is my motivation. 02 br
02 br
00 I’m looking forward to our interview on July 10th, 02 br
02 br
00 Yours faithfully, 02 br
02 br
00 Georg 010id 5
02 br
00 I´m writing a "Letter of Motivation" for a Study Programm. Please be so kind and help me to find my mistakes, grammar errors and somehow "D-English" expressions. 02 br
00 Sorry for BLOCKING out the school names, but privacy is nice to have 05 0 02 br
02 br
00 Thanks a lot from Germany 02 br
02 br
00 cu 02 br
00 Georg 02 br
02 br
00 --------------------------- 02 br
02 br
00 Dear Sir or Madam, 02 br
02 br
00 At first I would like to thank for the interesting Open and Buddy Days. They have gave me a unique insight into UNIVERSITY2 and convinced me to choose Hospitality Management in UNIVERSITY2 . 02 br
02 br
00 Consequentially I would like to apply for admission to Hospitality Management in September 2000. 02 br
02 br
00 I did a 3-year-apprenticeship as a chef in PLACE1 and Place2 till April 2000. In the first part of my apprenticeship we served 800 plates a day with several different types of diets for medical and health reasons whereas at Orangerie we served 30 plates a day with a focus on gourmets. Both parts gave me a broad view into hospitality. 02 br
02 br
00 Afterwards I succeed in serving my 10 months military service at PLACE3. 02 br
00 I worked there as a `Head of Ordonnanz` and chef. Leading a team of up to 20 Ordonnanzen (staff) I was in charge of organising celebrations and events with up to 100 guests. There I was awarded for exceptional work in June 2000. 02 br
02 br
00 Thereafter I went to SCHOOL where I obtained my general qualification for university entrance in June 2000. 02 br
02 br
00 When I started studying business economics at UNIVERSITY1 I wanted a good economical background for a leading position in the Hospitality Industry. But I realized that their theoretical approach doesn’t fit my needs. 02 br
02 br
00 I’ve searched for a mixture of Theory and Praxis approach which equips me with the knowledge needed for Hospitality Management. I found it in your Study programme. 02 br
02 br
00 I’ve chosen Hospitality Management for the challenging and prospering approach, but furthermore for the working ambience in Hospitality. I am into this unique mixture of passion, stress and perfectionism dedicated to improve our customer’s satisfaction. Their smile makes this branch so unique, their pleasure is my motivation. 02 br
02 br
00 I’m looking forward to our interview on July 10th, 02 br
02 br
00 Yours faithfully, 02 br
02 br
00 Georg 010id 5
Top answer
0 Hello Georg. The following words and phrases need repair: 02 br 02 br 00 At first -- or omit it entirely 02 br 00 have gave 02 br 00 in UNIVERSITY2 -- wrong preposition 02 br 00 September 2000 -- I think I am a little late in helping you. 02 br 00 till - change to 'through' 02 br 00 reasons -- needs a comma 02 br 00 succeed in serving -- change to 'served' 02 br 00 Ordonnanzen (staff) -- needs a comma 02 br 00 awarded -- or rewarded?
- 0 Hello Georg.
- The following words and phrases need repair: 02 br 02 br 00 At first -- or omit it entirely 02 br 00 have gave 02 br 00 in UNIVERSITY2 -- wrong preposition 02 br 00 September 2000 -- I think I am a little late in helping you.
- 02 br 00 till - change to 'through' 02 br 00 reasons -- needs a comma 02 br 00 succeed in serving -- change to 'served' 02 br 00 Ordonnanzen (staff) -- needs a comma 02 br 00 awarded -- or rewarded?
- 02 br 00 UNIVERSITY1 -- needs a comma 02 br 00 doesn’t -- don't contract in formal writing, and the verb tense here needs rethinking 02 br 00 equips -- change to future 02 br 00 prospering -- not a good choice in a motivation letter; omit it 02 br 00 this -- change to 'the' 02 br 00 branch so unique, -- change branch to field or area or industry; change so to very; change the comma to a semicolon 02 br 00 10th-- end with a period 0-
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2 Answers
0
0 Hello Georg. The following words and phrases need repair: 02 br
02 br
00 At first -- or omit it entirely 02 br
00 have gave 02 br
00 in UNIVERSITY2 -- wrong preposition 02 br
00 September 2000 -- I think I am a little late in helping you. 02 br
00 till - change to 'through' 02 br
00 reasons -- needs a comma 02 br
00
02 br
00 At first -- or omit it entirely 02 br
00 have gave 02 br
00 in UNIVERSITY2 -- wrong preposition 02 br
00 September 2000 -- I think I am a little late in helping you. 02 br
00 till - change to 'through' 02 br
00 reasons -- needs a comma 02 br
00
00
0 thank you very much for your help! 02 br
00 it helped me a lot!! 02 br
02 br
00 but what is wrong with 02 br
00 branch so unique, -- change branch to field or area or industry; change so to very 02 br
02 br
00 soory i didn`t understand it 02 br
00 what do you mean with 02 br
00 "change so to very" 02 br
02 br
00 it helped me a lot!! 02 br
02 br
00 but what is wrong with 02 br
00 branch so unique, -- change branch to field or area or industry; change so to very 02 br
02 br
00 soory i didn`t understand it 02 br
00 what do you mean with 02 br
00 "change so to very" 02 br
02 br
0
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