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Anonymous Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please, any person can help me if there is any mistake and correct it in my motivation?

Interested me right from my childhood. There was this small little me standing in the balcony and looking out at the dynamic world, ever changing, trying to implement whatever little knowledge I had and making vague predictions, then realizing they would never come true. The only thing that seemed to me would connect paper with the real world was Engineering. Engineering is a field via which we can combine science, mathematics, technology, and a whole lot of innovation to overcome the odds and get the desired output. Success in any career depends on how much basic knowledge we possess. It is only then that we can combine higher level of engineering with reality and make things happen. As an undergraduate student my exposure has been in the academic side with participation in seminars and projects. Not seeing success at vicinity always makes my hunger grow, because of which the brain traces out new ways of getting to where I want to get defying the laws and making new ones altogether, and that for me is quite satisfying.
My academic career has proceeded as harmonically as possible. In 1998 I passed out from one of the most knowledge imparting governmental schools in our city, Subah Al-Nasser School, run by the Kuwaiti Government through Ministry of Education, Kuwait. Then in 1999 I joined the College of Technological Studies in Kuwait and I graduated in year 2002 with a High Diploma in Marine Engineering. After that, I have been completed my Bachelor Degree in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Greenwich, UK. Physics, Mathematics, Chemistry has always kept me engaged. This in turn made Mechanical Engineering look so simple and enjoyable to me which I pursued from the University of Greenwich.
The Mechanical Engineering is a science interested in studying of energy in all its forms and its impact on objects. It is one of the oldest and broadest engineering disciplines and has to do in all areas of life, at the same time most attractive field of engineering. The more I learnt the more I urged to learn. It covers the most important engineering field. I believe Mechanical engineering has made life so easy over the past few decades, and will be the future of technology. Where its development can be traced back several thousand years around the world. The field has continually evolved to incorporate advancements in technology, and mechanical engineers today are pursuing developments in such fields as composites, mechatronics, and nanotechnology. The things that we take for granted today are actually a fine amalgamation of human endeavor and mechanical marvels of earlier years. My indomitable quest for knowledge made me resolve that I should widen my intellect by doing a Masters degree in Nuclear Engineering, thus applying the knowledge I received in my rigorous undergraduate training. Mechanical Engineering has always fascinated me. Right from my play station days it has been an object of keen interest to me.
I have had Basic Physics, Basic Mathematics, Industrial Chemistry, Dynamics (mechanics), Statics, Energy Conversion, Engineering Drawing, Workshop Technology, Heat transfer, Fluid Mechanics, Applied Thermodynamics, Production Technology, propulsion, Auxiliary Machinery, steam Power Plant, Applied Mechanics, Refrigeration and air conditioning, Inspection and Maintenance, Electrical Machines, Fuel Lubricants, Engineering Mechanics & Materials, Thermofluid Applications, Quality Engineering, Process Improvement Techniques, Engineering Management, Group Design & Project Management, Final Project (BEng H Eng). As my subjects. I even have completed three projects to help me facilitate better understanding of my interest, one being on Design & MFG of Drilling CNC Machine, and the second one being on A small vehicle of fire engine for the emergency situations and potential risks at the University of Greenwich, UK and the third one being on Investigation & Improving Productivity into Water Maker. I have undergone an Industrial Training on Power Systems and Production in the Kuwait Oil Company. Also I was involved in 2010 as an intern during external courses of the Ministry of Energy program in Kuwait Institute for Scientific Research with Dr. Mufreh S. Al-Rashidi about a Project for Identification of Naturally Occurring Radioactive Materials (NORM). Waste from the used of heavy fuel in the power plant as sources of accumulation and protection of operator's staff. However, also I find in nuclear energy a resonating with my mechanical engineering background which is the association cogeneration systems, particularly electrical production using the excess heat. I first learnt power plant cogeneration in undergraduate thermodynamics and have always thought that waste heat has been underrated as an exploitable energy source in many applications today, including automotive and nuclear power plants. Therefore, we find that nuclear energy has a significant correlation with the Mechanical Engineering where it can be developed through finding the facts and problem solution in energy systems, Develop equipment and monitor testing operation and maintenance of nuclear reactors, Also to Develop new concepts thermonuclear analysis and Studying nuclear fuel cycle to define economical uses of nuclear material. Moreover in the current context also we are heavily dependent on control rod and its actions to prevent and mitigate any accidents in the conventional fission nuclear reactors.
The reason for choosing this specific Master Programme comes from the fact that in the near future I would like to get to know more things regarding for the nuclear energy studies. I already got some ideas in my head, but unfortunately until now I did not have the right knowledge and the right tools for putting them in practice and that is why I know that this Master Programme would be an excellent starting point for me. Also, my passion for Thermo fluid Applications and Engineering, Which I want to apply in the field of Thermal hydraulics of Nuclear Reactor and Kinetics, both in the current fission and future fusion reactors. Moreover, I am interested in the Plasma Space Propulsion and I am closely following the progress of Ad astra Rocket Company and its current Variable Specific Impulse Magnetoplasma Rocket technology (VASIMR). I am more focused on the general area of Thermal hydraulics of Nuclear Reactor and Engineering. The knowledge and knowhow of which will help me broaden my horizon and to be a good researcher in the field of fusion reactors and plasma space propulsion systems. I am very amazed with the advancements that are being achieved in the field of Fusion reactors and Plasma Space Propulsion systems, like the massive project of the International Thermonuclear Experimental Reactor (ITER), and the current plasma thrusters taking shape around the world which are ready to propel man into and may be across the galaxy.
Finally, I would like to continue my studies in order to gain knowledge and experiences by academic research and I believe a Master Degree Programme in Nuclear Engineering would offer me the possibility of receiving the complete picture of all aspects of this field. Where the program covers a wide range of the theoretical disciplines which would be useful in my future career in Nuclear Energy sphere. Moreover, if I will get selected for this programme it will be largely professionally oriented with the opportunity to learn from the top specialists from Energy sector. And I will study in an international environment will give me the privilege to create new relationships with people from different cultures. In addition, as I am especially interested in building up a career in the Nuclear Energy and program containing such subjects as the subjects required for a successful career in the sphere. I am also aware of the kind of dedication and perseverance I will need to have for achieving the best results in the field and I believe my background will qualify me for such a Master Programme in nuclear engineering. With the eminent faculty members, vast library, state of art facilities and enviable infrastructure. I am sure that such an environment will bring out the best in me and help me scale new heights. I am convinced that I will achieve my career goals with distinction in your Esteemed University. I browsed extensively through your web pages and discovered that your research areas seemed to match in the most coherent way with my areas of specialization. And it is with you that I see my long cherished dreams and ambitions already taking shape. I wish to assure you, that you can find a diligent, disciplined and a dedicated student in me. I hope that you would give me a chance to prove my mettle and worth in your university and bring laurels to it.
Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.
  

Top answer

First: complete the first sentence. Second: cut the letter down to half its current length. You should not explain classes, etc, or even list them all.

  • First: complete the first sentence.
  • Second: cut the letter down to half its current length.
  • You should not explain classes, etc, or even list them all.
  • Eliminate as many adjectives as possible.
  • Third: re-post it and I'll check if for you.
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2 Answers
0
First: complete the first sentence.
Second: cut the letter down to half its current length. You should not explain classes, etc, or even list them all. Eliminate as many adjectives as possible.
Third: re-post it and I'll check if for you.
0
You letter is excessively long, rambling, disjointed, disorganized, and incoherent .
It discourages anyone who struggles to read it.

Please write logically and give meaningful information instead of exhaustive lists. Use short, crisp sentences, with good transitions to the next idea.

If you rewrite it, then we can isolate and work on the grammatical problems.

Regard

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