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Lalashow Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Pleas help me correct my essay
i'm sorry. Just now i signed a thread before a registration. So i post this thread again.
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do you agree or disagree with the following statement? advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits.
Advertising, an apparent commercial part of television business, serves as an optimum tool for companies to persuade their customers to buy their products. My sister always criticizes the bad influence of advertising especially for promoting a new delicious milk chocolate. She, maintaining that modern people have a lot of unhealthy eating habits mainly as a result of advertisements, claims that the advertisements only focus on the profits of companies but forget to lead people to live in a better way. I concede her opinion. Nevertheless, as for me, the huge influence of the human natural instinct and the carefree environment or hectic life should not be overlooked.
Initially, one issue which encourages me to hold this opinion is that the unhealthy eating habit has existed for thousands of years. It's definitely not the fault of the advertisement. Innumerous experiments and studies have confirmed that people sometimes are incapable of controlling ourselves. For instance, my little brother yesterday ate a big cake in the afternoon as he was a little hungry but, since the cake was so delicious, he ate all of it out of gluttony. Such a case is common in our society. By regularly eating when not required, people develop a bad eating habit.
To back up my point, it could be relevant to another cause that the various environments play a vital role in the formation of unhealthy habits. For example, long and comfortable vacation can spawn great effects on our eating habits, by encouraging us to eat whenever we feel like and indulge in more appetizing and rich food. Similarly, a successful manager always has to suffer from a stomach bug, by grabbing fast foods in every limited noon to save his time to analyze a couple of financial statements .Perhaps most importantly, the varied environment cause an increasing neglect of a fit and healthy rule of food and finally will destroy our body
On the other hand, it is essential not to take this assertion too far. As my sister said, advertisements induce us to eat unhealthy food such as high protein food at a wrong time. However, I believe the influence of advertising is relatively low. After all, you don't encounter an advertisement about new foods or restaurants every day. What' more, it is us and not the advertisements who are at the cause of the bad eating habits because we eat all the time.
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i feel my writing is silly,but i don't know how to correct this essay. Please help me
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do you agree or disagree with the following statement? advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits.
Advertising, an apparent commercial part of television business, serves as an optimum tool for companies to persuade their customers to buy their products. My sister always criticizes the bad influence of advertising especially for promoting a new delicious milk chocolate. She, maintaining that modern people have a lot of unhealthy eating habits mainly as a result of advertisements, claims that the advertisements only focus on the profits of companies but forget to lead people to live in a better way. I concede her opinion. Nevertheless, as for me, the huge influence of the human natural instinct and the carefree environment or hectic life should not be overlooked.
Initially, one issue which encourages me to hold this opinion is that the unhealthy eating habit has existed for thousands of years. It's definitely not the fault of the advertisement. Innumerous experiments and studies have confirmed that people sometimes are incapable of controlling ourselves. For instance, my little brother yesterday ate a big cake in the afternoon as he was a little hungry but, since the cake was so delicious, he ate all of it out of gluttony. Such a case is common in our society. By regularly eating when not required, people develop a bad eating habit.
To back up my point, it could be relevant to another cause that the various environments play a vital role in the formation of unhealthy habits. For example, long and comfortable vacation can spawn great effects on our eating habits, by encouraging us to eat whenever we feel like and indulge in more appetizing and rich food. Similarly, a successful manager always has to suffer from a stomach bug, by grabbing fast foods in every limited noon to save his time to analyze a couple of financial statements .Perhaps most importantly, the varied environment cause an increasing neglect of a fit and healthy rule of food and finally will destroy our body
On the other hand, it is essential not to take this assertion too far. As my sister said, advertisements induce us to eat unhealthy food such as high protein food at a wrong time. However, I believe the influence of advertising is relatively low. After all, you don't encounter an advertisement about new foods or restaurants every day. What' more, it is us and not the advertisements who are at the cause of the bad eating habits because we eat all the time.
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i feel my writing is silly,but i don't know how to correct this essay. Please help me
Top answer
Using simpler sentences and words will help minimize grammatical and word usage errors. You need a conclusion.
- Using simpler sentences and words will help minimize grammatical and word usage errors.
- You need a conclusion.
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2 Answers
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Using simpler sentences and words will help minimize grammatical and word usage errors.
You need a conclusion.
You need a conclusion.
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One trick that really makes it easier to understand how to fix your writing is to really understand what it is that you are actually trying to say in each paragraph.
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For this essay, this is what I understand the progression to be (essay broken up by paragraph):
My sister says that advertising is a bad thing for society, but I disagree.
In fact many problems that peo
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For this essay, this is what I understand the progression to be (essay broken up by paragraph):
My sister says that advertising is a bad thing for society, but I disagree.
In fact many problems that peo
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