Pleae Help me make my short essay better

Here's a persuasive essay that I've written for English class, it's not too long, but could one of you experts help make it better? Thank you!

What could possibly possess somebody to willingly ingest something that has taken the minds of bright students, the legs of athletes, or the love of a father that killed his children? These are all questions asked when young adults lobby to have the minimum drinking age reduced, as they know through many studies that lowering the drinking age only brings misery to the general public. Instead of having the minimum legal drinking age decreased, it should be increased to 21, as that would save thousands of lives, along with the brains, and mentality of youths.
Every year In Canada, an average of 1200 people die because of drunk driving. It’s one of the most avoidable deaths there is, as the rate of drunk driving can simply be reduced by increasing the drinking age to 21. Of all these drunken driving incidents, the largest group responsible were under the age of 21. This group was responsible for 33 percent of all drunken driving accidents in 2010. Most of these drivers were at the age at which society deemed them responsible enough for alcohol, yet this small group caused one third of all drunken driving accidents. If the drinking age was increased to 21, these rates would go down, proven by how in America, after passing the National Minimum Drinking Age Act in 1984, which increased the minimum drinking age to 21, alcohol related crashes decreased by 13% within the first year. One state that has been especially successful with raising the drinking age to 21 is California. During the year 2002, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) estimated that the state of California has saved 21, 877 people over the period of twenty seven years since they increased the MDA to 21 in 1975. All of these lives were saved, just by increasing the MDA by a few years. Just like America, Canada needs their MDA to be 21 to make sure that our driving youth don’t harm themselves or others.
Even if they do not harm themselves physically, adults under the age of 21, are very susceptible to intellectual damage. Alcohol, when consumed before the age of 21, has been shown in multiple studies to cause permanent brain damage to youth. To prevent this damage, increasing the drinking age to 21 is necessary. One of the many parts of the brain that is damaged from early drinking is the Hippocampus, the part of the brain that is responsible for memory, and learning. This part of the brain develops very slowly, and is not complete until the age of 21. Alcohol has been shown to damage this place severely while it is developing. In fact, the hippocampus of an individual who starts drinking before the age of 21 can be 10% smaller than those that do after the age of 21. Along with this degeneration of the brain comes memory loss. One study found that students in grade 12 who had admitted to Bing drinking (drinking to a state of intoxication) consistently scored 1o% less their students who did not drink. These students also had an academic degeneration, shown by a government study done in 2007, which showed that two thirds of all high school students who had received “A” averages the past year had never consumed alcohol, while half of all students getting “D” averages consumed alcohol regularly. These negative effects can be avoided, though, if the drinking age was increased to 21, as that’s when the hippocampus stops developing, preventing alcohol from stopping its development.
In Canada alone, there are millions of legal drinkers under the age of 21, whom are all susceptible to developing alcoholism in the future. The general rule for alcohol consumption is that the older the person is, the lower their chances of becoming alcoholics in the future. For example, an adult who began drinking at the age of 15 is four times more likely to be an alcoholic than somebody who began drinking at the age of 21. This fact has been proven by many experiments done over the years, such as the one done by the Washington University of Medicine, which followed the lives of 6,257 identical twins, and found that by the time they were adults, the twins who began drinking before the other was more likely to have developed alcoholism. Another study done by the National Council of Alcohol also found that residents who lived in states where the national drinking age was under 21, were 30% more likely to have recently suffered from alcoholism compared to states where the MDA was 21. This evidence points out that the longer people wait to begin consuming alcohol, the more likely they are that they will not develop alcoholism.
21 is the golden age for alcohol consumption. It’s the age at which people can trust most drinkers of driving responsibly, where alcohol stops permanently affecting your brain, and where people are safest from developing alcoholism. If Canada wants to reap the benefits of having their minimum drinking age increased, they have to do it soon, as with every minute that goes by, more and more youth are becoming familiar with alcohol.