Pie charts - Please correct it for me, thank you.

Question

The pie charts compare the number of people working in specific sectors namely manufacturing, sales and services between Town A and B over the course of 50 years, starting 1960.

Overall, while the decreasing number of employees took part in sales in both areas, this category significantly increased in manufacturing. Besides that, services-related-jobs was the least popular with dwellers.

In 1960, an impressive 70% of people in Town B worked in the field of business, as opposed to exactly 41% in Town A. However, the figure declined to 53% for the former and slightly more than a half to 20% for the latter after 50 years. In contrast, the percentage of laborers in production in Town A and B occupied 29% and 10% respectively in 1960. At the end of this period, the figure rose more than double to 64% in Town A compared to only 25% in Town B.

30% was the proportion of people working in services in Town A in 1960, 10% higher than the figure in Town B, at 20%. But in 2010, this sector marked a smaller gap between two cities, at 16% in Town A and at 22% in Town B.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

The pie charts compare the number (Wrong word. The charts do not compare the counts of people per sector. They do not show that information. Some pie charts have both percent and numbers. But that is not the case in this figure.) of people working in specific sectors namely manufacturing, sales and services between Town A and B over the course of (That is find for line graphs with continuous data. It is not good for two point of time.) 50 years, starting in1960.

Here are some example opening paragraphs:

The four pie charts compare the percentages of people in two towns (A and B) employed in each of three sectors at two points of time 50 years apart, 1960 and 2010. The three sectors are manufacturing, sales and services.

The four pie charts, two for Town A and two for Town B, give a breakdown of their employment among three sectors of the economy: manufacturing, sales and services in 1960 and 2010.

There are two pairs of pie charts, one labeled Town A and the other Town B. Each pie chart shows the division of the town's employment among three sectors of the economy, manufacturing, sales and services in that town. One of the pair is for 1960 and the other for 2010.

Overall, while the decreasing number (wrong word. There are no numbers on these charts. A number would be 34,234 or 13,943.) of employees took part in sales in both towns ~~areas~~, this category significantly increased in manufacturing. Besides that, services-related-jobs (wrong punctuation) was (wrong verb form) the least popular (wrong word. Popular means that they liked it. Popular jobs are jobs people like to have. Whether the people liked their jobs or not is not shown on the charts.) with dwellers.(wrong word)

Your logic for the body paragraph content is unclear. You could write one for 1960 and the second for 2010, or one for Town A and the other for Town B. IF you chose a division among the sectors, your opening sentence must inform the reader of that division.

In 1960, ~~an impressive~~ (That is an opinion. Do not write opinions in Task 1) 70% of people in Town B worked in the field of business, (wrong word. All three of these are business-related jobs as opposed to government jobs.) as opposed to exactly 41% in Town A. However, the figure (wrong word) declined to 53% for the former and slightly more than a half to 20% for the latter after 50 years. In contrast, the percentage of laborers (wrong word; certainly some of the jobs were managers, their assistants, engineers and supervisors, not line workers. ) in production (wrong word. This is confusing. It is not one of the names of these sectors.) in Town A and B occupied (wrong word) 29% and 10% respectively in 1960. At the end of this period, (Period is for line graphs and time series bar charts. ) the figure (wrong word) rose more than double to 64% in Town A compared to only 25% in Town B.

30% (Never begin a sentence with values written in digits. Use written words.) was the proportion of people working in services in Town A in 1960, 10% higher than the figure (wrong word) in Town B, at 20%. But in 2010, this sector marked a smaller gap (wrong expression) between two cities, at 16% in Town A and at 22% in Town B.

Do not use synonyms for the categories in Task 1. You will certainly lose precision and accuracy of expression. That will cost you points. Use pronouns to avoid repetition.
Read my advice to understand frequently misused words such as "figure."
You need to use different time expressions for time spans in line graphs, with continuous data, and bar chars and pie charts with episodic data.

Example essay (177 words).

In this example essay, I decided that the two body paragraphs would be devoted to each of the towns.

The four pie charts, two for Town A and two for Town B, give a breakdown of their employment among three sectors of the economy: manufacturing, sales and services in 1960 and 2010.

Overall, the charts show substantial changes to the patterns of employment in both towns. Town A in 1960 was an exception in that there was no clear dominant sector. In the other three charts, one of the three sectors claimed the majority of workers.

Town A developed from a diversified economy in 1960 to a manufacturing center in 2010, with nearly two-thirds (64%) of the workforce. The other two sectors retained only half of the proportions they had in 1960. The service sector went from 30 to 16 percent, and sales, having about two-fifths of the workers in 1960, had only one-fifth fifty years later.

In contrast, the largest proportion of jobs in Town B in 1960 were in sales, with 70%. By 2010, manufacturing had more than doubled, from 10 to 25%, largely offset by the 17% reduction in sales.

Pie charts - Please correct it for me, thank you.

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