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Christine Christie Posted 5 years ago
Grammar

Phrase

Is this sentence correct:


"She became aware of her sex-appeal when entering the university campus, she heard the comments that boys launched at her."


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THANK YOU.

  

Top answer

Christine Christie Is this sentence correct: I know what you mean, so I have to say no, but there is actually nothing wrong with it except the hyphen in "***-appeal". What looks like a comma splice can be repetition, and the apparent infelicity of "when entering the university campus" would provide welcome difficulty in some settings. To say that the boys launched their comments is well within the creative writer's purview, but "launch" is unusual in this context, which is why I said no.

  • Christine Christie Is this sentence correct: I know what you mean, so I have to say no, but there is actually nothing wrong with it except the hyphen in "***-appeal".
  • What looks like a comma splice can be repetition, and the apparent infelicity of "when entering the university campus" would provide welcome difficulty in some settings.
  • To say that the boys launched their comments is well within the creative writer's purview, but "launch" is unusual in this context, which is why I said no.
  • I want you to learn standard English before you go avant-garde.
  • I would have put it another way entirely.
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3 Answers
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Christine ChristieIs this sentence correct:

I know what you mean, so I have to say no, but there is actually nothing wrong with it except the hyphen in "***-appeal". What looks like a comma splice can be repetition, and the apparent infelicity of "when entering the university campus" would provide welcome difficulty in some settings. To say that the boys la

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It's okay, but It would be clearer if you put a comma after "when": "...her ***-appeal when, entering the university campus, she heard..."

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Christine ChristieShe became aware of her *** appeal when, entering the university campus, she heard the comments that boys launched at her.

The last part can go a large number of different ways, but launching comments isn't one of the best of them.

The following is

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