Dear All,
I have to write a motivational letter for the PhD application at my University. Summarizing this letter "should explain the key factors that persuaded me to apply for the PhD Physics program in the given University and sketch the particular scientific topic that I would intend to focus on during your research activity within the program, with special care for my own expectations and the reasons why you believe to be a promising candidate. " (I am quoting the official guidelines, the full ones are much longer).
I am confident with my academic skills but not with my English ones, and I am not satisfied with the current state of my letter. This is the fourth draft and I think that is still pretty terrible, but my english skills cannot take me further. I will very grateful with anyone willing to help me, even only for the grammar.
Some key information to help you help me:
Here is my letter:
Dear Sirs, Madams,
my name is /my name/ and I'm a physics graduate. I'm writing this letter to express my strong motivations for the PhD position in physics at your institution. Having reviewed several graduate programs, in consultation with my former thesis supervisors, I am confident that this programme best meets my goal of pursuing a research career in experimental particle physics. With my educational background and work experience, I firmly believe that I am strong candidate and that /City/ University would greatly benefit on having me.
%who I am
In 2016, I obtained my Master's Degree in Physics at your university with 110 out of 110 cum laude. My thesis consisted in the experimental search of the Higgs Boson in the decay of two tau leptons with the /experiment name/ experiment. During my studies I developed a genuine passion for particle physics, an interest that I've cultivated investing time, theses, free credits, internships and a semester abroad. I have taken numerous optional courses on the topic, such as ``Subnuclear Physics'', ``Astroparticle Physics'', and ``Introduction to Particle Detectors'', achieving always top marks and placing myself at the very top of my class.
Complementing my academic background are my direct experience in the field. My first contact with the /experiment name/ experiment was in 2015, during my internship at the /City/ /experiment name/ group. I worked in the B-Physics group with the task of studying and developing new flavor tagging techniques. My results were presented at the collaboration and evaluated 30 out of 30 cum laude in the ``Introduction to Research Activities'' exam. My next involvement with /experiment name/ was in 2016, when I did a six months Erasmus internship at the /leading research centre/ research center in /German City/. I worked in the ``H$\tau\tau