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Crazy4mbe Posted 20 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Persuasive Essay Thesis Statement

O.k I had a thesis statement ready to go until I was told by my 11 year old son that it didn't make any sense. Can someone see if this makes sense PLEASE. My Persuasive Essay is on Performance-Enhancing Drugs in Sports.

Thesis Statement.

All athletes should be required to take a drug test before any sporting event they participate in to make sure that the playing field is leveled out equally for all competing athletes.
  

Top answer

Well, it makes perfect sense, but it could be phrased a little more neatly and concisely: All athletes should be required to take a drug test before any sporting event to ensure a level playing field for all competitors. ) a sports idiom which will probably have to be explained to the reader within the introduction of the essay: level playing field = equal competitive opportunity . Nice topic; good luck with your essay.

— Mister Micawber

  • Well, it makes perfect sense, but it could be phrased a little more neatly and concisely: All athletes should be required to take a drug test before any sporting event to ensure a level playing field for all competitors.
  • ) a sports idiom which will probably have to be explained to the reader within the introduction of the essay: level playing field = equal competitive opportunity .
  • Nice topic; good luck with your essay.
  • And don't mind your son; mine is as critical of me.
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35 Answers
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Well, it makes perfect sense, but it could be phrased a little more neatly and concisely:

All athletes should be required to take a drug test before any sporting event to ensure a level playing field for all competitors.

You must keep in mind, however, that you have incorporated (and very nicely, too!) a sports idiom which will probably have to be explained to the reade
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Here is what I have so far on my essay. Any comments would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so very much.

Do sports and drugs mix?



Since the dawn of time it seems that you can’t think of sports without some sort of drug scandal creeping into the thought as well. It’s not just baseball that is tainted with scandal; it is every sport from football to gymnastics.
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Hi Crazy-- I finally got here. I have added some comments in brackets after underlined 'problems':

Do Sports and Drugs Mix?

Since the dawn of time [a ridiculous exaggeration; delete it] it seems that you can’t [do not use contractions in essays: change to cannot] think of sports without some sort of drug scandal creeping into the thoug
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Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I cannot tell you how much you have helped me.

Sincerely,

Cassandra
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The analogy "playing field" should not be in the thesis, it makes it rather confusing. Make it a straight forward comment and possibly save the analogy for later in the paper, if at all.
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It doesn't make since
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What would be three more good thesis statments?
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That's so true and we are talking about plagiarism.
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Hi I have a little problem with my steroid essay hop you guys could help me. I am writing about ababolic steroids and I have no idea on my thesis. Please help me find a thesis.

I am thinking about writing a brief history on steroids, then give some examples of some famouse athletes who have been accused of taking steroids, and then I have no idea. I need to write 8 pages by THURSDAY plea
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