personnal essay

Can someone please make a suggestion on the grammer.

The quest for love



The quality of the loving care given by the parents or their surrogates has a powerful influence on the conditioning of the natural self and its relationship with the conscious self. The loving received by the child is what enables him or her to learn how to love and care for others. As the anthropologist Ashley Montagu observed, we learn how to love by being loved. If the child's needs are met consistently with sensitivity, that child will feel secure and will naturally be trusting of other humans; but if the parents or others abuse or neglect the child, then the child is likely to feel insecure and afraid of other people. Thus gentle living begins with the tender loving care of the parents for the child

I’ve always wondered why my mother lack’s interest in me. The relationship my mother and I share is not the typical mother daughter relationship. Our relationship lack affection and warmth. We have never observe each birthdays, mother day, Christmas or any of the holiday that brings the family unit together. As early as I can remember I have felt like an intruder in my mothers life. She made me feel as if it is my fault my father has cheated on her. She’s blame me for her weight gain, she has even blamed me for her unhappiness.

When I was six years old I over heard my mother saying to my grandmother I wish I had listen to you and aborted his baby. I believe from that day on I began to understand my mother did not care for me she just pretended. My father and mother argue a lot. Some times well into the early hours of the morning you could hear my mother crying, my father always threaten her with leaving her and her kids. My father was not a very good husband or father either. He is still a very selfish man always out for what he can get for himself.

I always told my self that I would not be like my parents. But I now know that some of their ways I have carry over into my life style. The relationship my daughter and I share is similar to that of my mother and myself. I’m very standoffish with my daughter (Just like mother is towards me.) I feel my daughter has a follower type personality, this type of trait in people often gets them in trouble and my daughter was always begin expel from school. For fighting or skipping school.

Because my mother always rely on my father to make her happy or worthy. I told my self not to rely on some one else to make me happy or make me feel good about my self. I believe when my daughter started showing these trait of neediness as I call it. I began to dislike her personality because it remind me to much of my mother personal life.

My mother experiences has taught me to be more resilient. I don’t rely on my husband or anyone else to make me happy. I pray to God for guidance’s because I have learned that only God can make me happy. I don’t need another individual to make me feel worthy. My mother lacks strength and that’s one of the traits that I expect out of people I want in my life. That’s another reason why I have chosen not to deal with my mother on a more intimate level. Having a weak personality has not a thing to due with genetics or biology, moral characters are taught. And I know that my mother was taught to be weak. My mother never met her real father but my grandmother had told me that my grand father had taken his owe life because he could not deal with the demands his family put on him. And just like her father and mother my mother had try to take her owe life.

Maybe I may have some of the selfishness my fathers has, but I believe in self preservation and I believe because my mother exhibited this weak character early on in their relationship my father began to resent her for it. And in all fairness to the woman who gave birth to me. I have this to say.

In my quest for the answer as to why my mother does not care for me in a loving way, I’ve learned to except that she is an imperfect human and as an imperfect human she has no control over whom her imperfect heart chooses to love.