Personal Statement for an university application

Hello everyone,

I want to take an Online Master Degree in Corporate Finance at the University of Liverpool and therefore I have to write a Personal Statement. Myname is Sonja, I'm from Germany and therefore not a native speaker. Could someone help me to correct my letter? The task is to tell them why I would like to take a Masters Degree programme with the UoL. I would be delighted if you could help me. Thank you very much!

Here it is:

My interest in taking a Master Degree dates back to the day when I submitted my diploma thesis. I felt that there are many intriguing topics which I wanted to learn about more in depth. At that time, I listened to my reason and accepted a job offer as consultant in the accounting department of xxx. In retrospect, I made the right decision since I gained a lot of insights in the financial steering of German and internationally working companies. Now, I feel it is the right moment to pursue my academic career in order to support my practical experiences with theoretical knowledge.

In May 2009 I took the next step to move my career forward and switched to XXX, where I work in the finance division of the newly founded business segment. XXX One of my biggest challenges has been to draw up a business case for an internationally working start-up company which included both the calculation of the net present value of the investment and the critical scrutinising of the sales strategy as well as the cost structure.
Moreover, I was able to contribute significantly to develop a new concept for a Key Performance Indicator Reporting System due to my comprehensive experiences in the accounting field. Since I have become the expert for the new system I was given the responsibility to personally introduce the concept to the Financial Directors of our biggest subsidiaries in XXX and XXX. Subsequently, I organised and conducted the implementation at all affected international organisations.

As I really enjoy my work at XXX and therefore do not want to stop working but boosting my career at the same time, I searched for a distance learning programme leading to a Master Degree in finance related topics. My research led me to the University of Liverpool's online programmes which attracted my attention due to the international student body, the internationally recognised degree as well as the offered flexibility.
Since English is not my mother tongue, I also see the opportunity to improve my language skills such as academic reading and writing at the same time what I believe will help me at my daily communication with international colleagues.

From my point of view, this programme will perfectly balance the theoretical knowledge acquired in the academic course and the practical experiences of my work. Therefore, I hope to benefit from the programme from the first day on as well as to contribute my insurance related experiences to case studies.

With the University of Liverpool's Online Master programme, I aim at gaining specific financial knowledge that will enable me to develop myself to an appreciated expert for financial topics within my current company. The degree and the gained set of skills will contribute to make me marketable in the highly competitive job market within XXX. Consequently, I will not only progress at a personal level but also become one step closer to a senior position.