Personal essay help (please help correct)

i have posted this essay on two sites already and noone is helping me at all. Can someone please help me correct this essay cause i have only a few days before the deadline of the application. Thank you.

Question: How will you achieve academic and personal success at Eastern?

College is a life changing responsibility for many students. It is the starting point, for the rest of a student’s life. It opens the door to new responsibilities and options some people have never had before. How a person chooses to control these new options and responsibilities decides how successful their career in college will be. This is why I believe I will be very successful if I were to be accepted into Eastern Illinois University. I will not only work hard for the fact of accomplishing my dream of graduating from Eastern Illinois University, but also that I would be the first in my family to go to college.

History is the major I want to study while in college. It has been my passion since middle school and I want to continue it in college. I am aware that my grades are not the best, but history classes have always been. My grades in history classes have always been A’s and B’s, and all my honors and AP classes are also history classes. I’ve really always been interested in the subject without even knowing it when I was a kid. I’d always wonder when I would need this in real life while yet I would go on Wikipedia to learn more about it. I think it is kind of funny actually, how I would think it was useless yet put more time and work into learning more about it. Now after all these years I know that history is my passion in life and that I want to pursue it further in college.

Law has also been a passion for me as well. I love the way the court system works and how much action and suspense vibrates throughout the room. Though I want to major in history, I want to minor in pre-law. So then after I get my bachelors in History I would be ready for the LSATs and then get into law school. I am really serious about getting into the career of criminal law. I am currently attending a program called IGIP (Illinois Governmental Internship Program); in this program I am able to intern at a law office residing in Springfield, Illinois. Here I will be able to work in a law office and see how things run and contribute to the office as well. This way I will have a heads up on how the workplace will be like, and the workload real lawyers will have to go through in the real world. It will be an experience that will definitely benefit me throughout my life.

I am a very active person within the school. I do lots of extracurricular activities because I just want to get the best out of my school. I am involved with: Drama club, Art club, Speech team, Group Interpretation, Teen Court, Freshmen Mentors, Tennis, Bowling, Broadcasting, and Sports Crew. I try to stay as active as I can within the school, I don’t waste any time. I try to set my personal interests to work to make my life within high school more fun. It’s pointless to go to a school with so many activities and interests and waste them all. I believe being active is a great way to get all you can out of your school years and I plan to do that in college as well.

All in all, I believe Eastern Illinois University is the best place for me. It has the major, and minor I want and a little extra too. I have heard so many good things about this university and I would really like to be able to attend EIU. Also, I want to be able to major in History and minor in pre-law. Even though I’m going to be going into the field of criminal law, I want to be able to pursue a career in teaching history as time goes on. I believe I can accomplish all of this successfully in my life. I know that I would be able to perform to my fullest not only in college, but in the rest of my life as well.

-ron larson