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Usenet Posted 21 years ago
Screenwriting
"Pearls Before Swine" -- Something for St. Valentine's day
Paulo Joe Jingy May 11 2003, 12:33 am
I finished my Romantic Comedy. It took almost twenty-four hours, which is longer than I usually like to take, but I wanted to get it right. Since this became sort of a collaborative effort, on this newsgroup, I thought I'd give all y'all a treat and post the ending for you.
No-don't thank me-that's fine.
(Warning guys: This is a little bit of a snot-sucker. So be careful with the ending).
--
EXT. LULU MAY'S PORCH -- EVENING
Lulu May sits on the porch swing and holds the sleeping piglet on her lap, stroking it behind the ears.
LULU MAY Thank you, kindly, Ozzie, he's sure a purty pig.
OZZIE Not half as purty as you, Lulu May.
LULU MAY You do go on.
Ozzie sits down beside her on the swing.
OZZIE Ah'm right sorry about sicin' Screenplay Master on ya when we first met.
LULU MAY Now that is a sorry creature. But I ain't got no hard feelins about that Ozzie.
OZZIE Ah'm right glad to hear that, Lulu May.
LULU MAY That's sure one butt ugly creature. Did ya put him down yet?
OZZIE Nah, he runned off--started writin' graphic novels.
LULU MAY What is them?
OZZIE No idear at all.
He scooches a little closer.
OZZIE Lulu May... I was wonderin'-- well if'n you was...
He swallows hard.
LULU MAY Y'all alright? You act like you done swallowed a June bug.
OZZIE Lulu May--I got an itch fer you, real bad. Like I done sat in a whole nest a chiggers.
LULU MAY You always was a sweet talker, Ozzie.
Ozzie grabs her hand and gets down on his knee.
OZZIE So what do you say, Lulu May--should I hunt up the preacher?
She pulls her hand from his.
LULU MAY Ozzie... I--I just don't know.
OZZIE Is it that Hargas boy? 'Cause if it is--you know I could whup his ass agin.
LULU MAY It's not Jimmy Bob Hargas, it's, well, it's--
OZZIEIf you worried that we're cousins. Hell-nobody gives that a second thought, around here.
LULU MAY No, that ain't it neither. Sit down, Ozzie.
He sits beside her.
LULU MAY Ozzie, I done lived a lie.
OZZIE Well, hell, Lulu May, everbody got their secrets--
LULU MAY --Listen up, now. This ain't something I'm right proud of.
She hands the piglet to Ozzie and stands up.
LULU MAY Ozzie, I ain't fourteen.
OZZIE So yer fifteen-it don't make
LULU MAY --No, I ain't fifteen, neither.
OZZIE Sixteen?
LULU MAY I'm eighteen years old, Ozzie.
He stands up-lays the sleeping the piglet on the bench turns away from her.
OZZIE Eighteen?
She's in tears.
LULU MAY Eighteen--I'm so sorry.
He turns toward her, lifts her chin and looks her in the eyes.
OZZIE Hell, Lulu May, Ah'm so in love with you. I'd marry you, even if you was twenty.
LULU MAY You would?
OZZIE I would. Now what do say--do you want to hunt up the preacher?
LULU MAY Ah'm in love with you too, Ozzie Floyd James. (she winks) Let's hunt up that preacher.
They kiss.
The piglet wakes up and squeals.
FADE OUT:
THE END
-- Paulo Joe Jingy I seem to have... ah, gotten something in my eye.
I finished my Romantic Comedy. It took almost twenty-four hours, which is longer than I usually like to take, but I wanted to get it right. Since this became sort of a collaborative effort, on this newsgroup, I thought I'd give all y'all a treat and post the ending for you.
No-
(Warning guys: This is a little bit of a snot-sucker. So be careful with the ending).
--
EXT. LULU MAY'S PORCH -- EVENING
Lulu May sits on the porch swing and holds the sleeping piglet on her lap, stroking it behind the ears.
LULU MAY Thank you, kindly, Ozzie, he's sure a purty pig.
OZZIE Not half as purty as you, Lulu May.
LULU MAY You do go on.
Ozzie sits down beside her on the swing.
OZZIE Ah'm right sorry about sicin' Screenplay Master on ya when we first met.
LULU MAY Now that is a sorry creature. But I ain't got no hard feelins about that Ozzie.
OZZIE Ah'm right glad to hear that, Lulu May.
LULU MAY That's sure one butt ugly creature. Did ya put him down yet?
OZZIE Nah, he runned off--started writin' graphic novels.
LULU MAY What is them?
OZZIE No idear at all.
He scooches a little closer.
OZZIE Lulu May... I was wonderin'-- well if'n you was...
He swallows hard.
LULU MAY Y'all alright? You act like you done swallowed a June bug.
OZZIE Lulu May--I got an itch fer you, real bad. Like I done sat in a whole nest a chiggers.
LULU MAY You always was a sweet talker, Ozzie.
Ozzie grabs her hand and gets down on his knee.
OZZIE So what do you say, Lulu May--should I hunt up the preacher?
She pulls her hand from his.
LULU MAY Ozzie... I--I just don't know.
OZZIE Is it that Hargas boy? 'Cause if it is--you know I could whup his ass agin.
LULU MAY It's not Jimmy Bob Hargas, it's, well, it's--
OZZIE
LULU MAY No, that ain't it neither. Sit down, Ozzie.
He sits beside her.
LULU MAY Ozzie, I done lived a lie.
OZZIE Well, hell, Lulu May, everbody got their secrets--
LULU MAY --Listen up, now. This ain't something I'm right proud of.
She hands the piglet to Ozzie and stands up.
LULU MAY Ozzie, I ain't fourteen.
OZZIE So yer fifteen-
LULU MAY --No, I ain't fifteen, neither.
OZZIE Sixteen?
LULU MAY I'm eighteen years old, Ozzie.
He stands up-
OZZIE Eighteen?
She's in tears.
LULU MAY Eighteen--I'm so sorry.
He turns toward her, lifts her chin and looks her in the eyes.
OZZIE Hell, Lulu May, Ah'm so in love with you. I'd marry you, even if you was twenty.
LULU MAY You would?
OZZIE I would. Now what do say--do you want to hunt up the preacher?
LULU MAY Ah'm in love with you too, Ozzie Floyd James. (she winks) Let's hunt up that preacher.
They kiss.
The piglet wakes up and squeals.
FADE OUT:
THE END
-- Paulo Joe Jingy I seem to have... ah, gotten something in my eye.
Top answer
My critique: The dialect reminds me of "Uncle Tom's Cabin". "Cause I's wicked. I is.
- My critique: The dialect reminds me of "Uncle Tom's Cabin".
- "Cause I's wicked.
- I is.
- " The story has the stale smell of fraudulence.
- Looks like you rode this one hard and put her away wet.
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6 Answers
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My critique:
The dialect reminds me of "Uncle Tom's Cabin".
"Cause I's wicked. I is. I's mighty wicked, anyhow, I can't help it." The story has the stale smell of fraudulence. Looks like you rode this one hard and put her away wet.
Branson Hunter
The dialect reminds me of "Uncle Tom's Cabin".
"Cause I's wicked. I is. I's mighty wicked, anyhow, I can't help it." The story has the stale smell of fraudulence. Looks like you rode this one hard and put her away wet.
Branson Hunter
00
[nq:1] My critique: The dialect reminds me of "Uncle Tom's Cabin". "Cause I's wicked. I is. I's mighty wicked, anyhow, I can't help it." The story has the stale smell of fraudulence. Looks like you rode this one hard and put her away wet.[/nq]
A critique of the critique:
"The dialect reminds me of "Uncle Tom's Cabin".
.
Uncle Tom's Cabin "Cause I's wicked. I is. I's
A critique of the critique:
"The dialect reminds me of "Uncle Tom's Cabin".
.
Uncle Tom's Cabin "Cause I's wicked. I is. I's
00
[nq:2]My critique: The dialect reminds me of "Uncle Tom's Cabin". ... help it." The story has the stale smell of fraudulence.[/nq]^^ A bleeping error. It should be flatulence, not fraudulence. I sincerely apologize to you for the error. No inference of it being fraud was intended. So sorry.
Branson Hunter Please take a breath and excuse my negligence.
Branson Hunter Please take a breath and excuse my negligence.
00
[nq:1] [/nq]^^
[nq:1]A bleeping error. It should be flatulence, not fraudulence. I sincerely apologize to you for the error. No inference of it being fraud was intended. So sorry. Branson Hunter Please take a breath and excuse my negligence.[/nq]
So you really meant to say: "The story has the stale smell of flatulence."
That's close to what I was aiming for.
I would have
[nq:1]A bleeping error. It should be flatulence, not fraudulence. I sincerely apologize to you for the error. No inference of it being fraud was intended. So sorry. Branson Hunter Please take a breath and excuse my negligence.[/nq]
So you really meant to say: "The story has the stale smell of flatulence."
That's close to what I was aiming for.
I would have
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Hunter:
^^
[nq:2]A bleeping error. It should be flatulence, not fraudulence. I ... Branson Hunter Please take a breath and excuse my negligence.[/nq]
Paulo Joe Jingy:
[nq:2]So you really meant to say: "The story has the stale smell of flatulence."[/nq]
Yes sir.
[nq:1]That's close to what I was aiming for. I would have preferred: "The story has the pungent smell of f
^^
[nq:2]A bleeping error. It should be flatulence, not fraudulence. I ... Branson Hunter Please take a breath and excuse my negligence.[/nq]
Paulo Joe Jingy:
[nq:2]So you really meant to say: "The story has the stale smell of flatulence."[/nq]
Yes sir.
[nq:1]That's close to what I was aiming for. I would have preferred: "The story has the pungent smell of f
00
[nq:1]Paulo Joe Jingy: Yes sir.[/nq]
[nq:2]That's close to what I was aiming for. I would have preferred: "The story has the pungent smell of flatulence."[/nq]
[nq:1]That would have made it fresh flatulence, and thus less offensive than stale flatulence. Good call.[/nq]
Hey, I just thought it was funny.
Gene
[nq:2]That's close to what I was aiming for. I would have preferred: "The story has the pungent smell of flatulence."[/nq]
[nq:1]That would have made it fresh flatulence, and thus less offensive than stale flatulence. Good call.[/nq]
Hey, I just thought it was funny.
Gene
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