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Fair Lady Posted 21 years ago

Passionate

0 Here is my weakest heart, 02br
00For you, my addiction. 02br
00How can I just discard 02br
00My so sweet religion? 02br
00And say, does it not suffice, 02br
00For you, my conviction? 02br
00This is my sacrifice 02br
00To my sweet addiction. 0-
  

Top answer

0 Another nice love poem, FL. 02br 02br 00Hope you won't mind if I suggest that "my weakest heart" sounds as though you have more than one heart, because you are using a comparative. 02br 02br 00What about words like "feeble", "fragile", "helpless", "uruly" "yielding" 050010id1

— Abbie1948

  • 0 Another nice love poem, FL.
  • 02br 02br 00Hope you won't mind if I suggest that "my weakest heart" sounds as though you have more than one heart, because you are using a comparative.
  • 02br 02br 00What about words like "feeble", "fragile", "helpless", "uruly" "yielding" 050010id1
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6 Answers
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0 Another nice love poem, FL. 02br
02br
00Hope you won't mind if I suggest that "my weakest heart" sounds as though you have more than one heart, because you are using a comparative. 02br
02br
00What about words like "feeble", "fragile", "helpless", "uruly" "yielding" 050010id1
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0 When I read the first line I interpreted it as meaning " the weakest my heart has been" because that is what love can do. Is that how you meant it? I do see what anita means though. Nicely done. 0-
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0 OOps!! I said anita but it was abbie who made the comparison. 0-
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0Ah, tryst, I hadn't thought of that. 050010id1
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0 u could make it 'my heart so weak' if it doesn't mar the rhyme... and maybe u could say obsession in the last line instead of addiction so that the word is not repeated twice... just a suggestion. 02br
02br
00Nice poem. Nice words to convey love... 0-
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0 Thanks for your suggestions! Actually by 'weakest" I meant exactly "feeling weakest than ever", but I agree, it can be easily misunderstood. I like the word "feeble" - I think it will be more suitable to avoid ambivalence. "Obsession" is good too, I don't like myself this repetition, but doesn't it disturb the rhyme? Or is it quite ok? If it is, I'll replace it too. 0-
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