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Yoong Liat Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

passage for year 2 students

1b00Could someone please edit this passage meant for year 2 students for me. Any suggestions to improve the passage are welcome. Thanks in advance.02b02br
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00It is Jenny’s first day at school She is happy and excited. She is wearing her new uniform and shoes to school. 02br
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00In the classroom, she sees many new friends.00 00Some of the pupils look sad because they miss their parents. Some are happy because they do00 00not miss00 00home. Instead, they like to be at school as they want to learn new things. Some, like Jenny, are happy because they can make new friends. 02br
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00All the teachers are friendly.00 00They introduce themselves to the pupils and advise them to study hard. Their form teacher, Miss Tan, tells the pupils to treat the school as their second home. 02br
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00When the bell rings for recess, Jenny runs to the canteen. Her mother is waiting for her there. She eats the food and drinks the water her mother has (54) brought for her. Soon the bell rings again. Recess is over. She bids her mother goodbye.02br
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00Back in class, she listens attentively to her teachers. She enjoys learning new things. She does her work neatly. 02br
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00When it is time to go home, Jenny runs to meet her mother, who is waiting outside the school gate. Then they walk home together as their house is near the school.0-
  

Top answer

0 Just out of curiosity, do you want this to be a narrative more or less from Jenny's perspective? If so, how will she know why the other pupils are sad/happy? 0-

  • 0 Just out of curiosity, do you want this to be a narrative more or less from Jenny's perspective?
  • If so, how will she know why the other pupils are sad/happy?
  • 0-
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4 Answers
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0 Just out of curiosity, do you want this to be a narrative more or less from Jenny's perspective? If so, how will she know why the other pupils are sad/happy? 0-
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0Hi Julielai02br
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00Could you suggest changes to make it narrative so that the passage becomes more interesting? Thanks in advance for your help.02br
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00With warmest wishes0-
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1i01font00I assume your students are pretty young and have gone through similar experiences. So you probably want your students to identify with Jenny. Her first day in school can be very exciting but she may also feel lonely and sad. She may run into problems as well. Does she adjust well in school? Do her classmates treat her nicely? How will she make friend
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0Hi Julielai02br
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00Thanks for your constructive comments. I agree with you that it would make the passage more interesting if dialogues were added.02br
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00All the best0-

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