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Yoong Liat Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
passage
1 b 00 Could someone please go through and edit the passage for me. Many thanks. 02 b 02 br
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01 b 00 Once there were two brothers. Being twins, they looked alike. 02 b 02 br
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01 b 00 00 One morning, one of the brothers went for a haircut. In the evening, his brother went to the same barber shop and the barber was astonished. He remembered having cut the young man’s hair and now he was returning to the shop for another haircut. So he told the young man, “Sir, I’ve not seen a person’s hair growing so fast. You came this morning and you’re here again.” 02 b 02 br
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01 b 00 00 The young man was also puzzled because he did not know that his brother had his hair cut in the morning. He told the barber, “I don’t know what you’re talking about because I did not come to you this morning.” 02 b 02 br
01 b 00 00 00 The barber was confused and told him, “If that’s the case, I must have been dreaming.” 02 b 00 0-
02 br
01 b 00 Once there were two brothers. Being twins, they looked alike. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 00 One morning, one of the brothers went for a haircut. In the evening, his brother went to the same barber shop and the barber was astonished. He remembered having cut the young man’s hair and now he was returning to the shop for another haircut. So he told the young man, “Sir, I’ve not seen a person’s hair growing so fast. You came this morning and you’re here again.” 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 00 The young man was also puzzled because he did not know that his brother had his hair cut in the morning. He told the barber, “I don’t know what you’re talking about because I did not come to you this morning.” 02 b 02 br
01 b 00 00 00 The barber was confused and told him, “If that’s the case, I must have been dreaming.” 02 b 00 0-
Top answer
0 It seems quite good to me as is, Yoong Liat. Suggestions are in bold: 02 br 02 br 01 i 00 Once there were two brothers 01 b 00 ; b 02 b 00 eing twins, they looked alike. 02 br 02 br 00 In the evening, his brother went to the same 01 b 00 barbershop 02 b 00 and the barber was astonished.
- 0 It seems quite good to me as is, Yoong Liat.
- Suggestions are in bold: 02 br 02 br 01 i 00 Once there were two brothers 01 b 00 ; b 02 b 00 eing twins, they looked alike.
- 02 br 02 br 00 In the evening, his brother went to the same 01 b 00 barbershop 02 b 00 and the barber was astonished.
- 02 b 00 So he 01 b 00 exclaimed to 02 b 00 the young man, “Sir, I’ve not seen a person’s hair 01 b 00 grow 02 b 00 so fast.
- 02 b 00 ” 02 br 02 br 00 The young man was also puzzled because he did not know that his brother had 01 b 00 had 02 b 00 his hair cut 01 b 00 that 02 b 00 morning.
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5 Answers
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0 It seems quite good to me as is, Yoong Liat. Suggestions are in bold: 02 br
02 br
01 i 00 Once there were two brothers 01 b 00 ; b 02 b 00 eing twins, they looked alike. One morning, one of the brothers went for a haircut. 02 br
02 br
00 In the evening, his brother went to the same 01 b 00 barbershop 02 b 00 and the barber
02 br
01 i 00 Once there were two brothers 01 b 00 ; b 02 b 00 eing twins, they looked alike. One morning, one of the brothers went for a haircut. 02 br
02 br
00 In the evening, his brother went to the same 01 b 00 barbershop 02 b 00 and the barber
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1 b 00 Hi Micawber 02 b 02 br
02 br
00 One morning, one of the brothers went for a haircut. In the evening, his brother went to the same barbershop and the barber was astonished. He remembered having cut the young man’s hair and now he 01 b 00 had returned 02 b 00 ( 01 i 01 b 00 was returning 02 b 02 i 00 ) to the shop for ano
02 br
00 One morning, one of the brothers went for a haircut. In the evening, his brother went to the same barbershop and the barber was astonished. He remembered having cut the young man’s hair and now he 01 b 00 had returned 02 b 00 ( 01 i 01 b 00 was returning 02 b 02 i 00 ) to the shop for ano
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0 No. Actually, I considered the past perfect there briefly, but realized that the past continuous was much more effective in creating the narrative image. 0-
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