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Yoong Liat Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

passage

1b00 Could someone please go through and edit the passage for me. Many thanks.02b02br
02br
01b00 Once there were two brothers. Being twins, they looked alike.02b02br
02br
01b00 00One morning, one of the brothers went for a haircut. In the evening, his brother went to the same barber shop and the barber was astonished. He remembered having cut the young man’s hair and now he was returning to the shop for another haircut. So he told the young man, “Sir, I’ve not seen a person’s hair growing so fast. You came this morning and you’re here again.” 02b02br
02br
01b00 00The young man was also puzzled because he did not know that his brother had his hair cut in the morning. He told the barber, “I don’t know what you’re talking about because I did not come to you this morning.” 02b02br
01b00 00 00The barber was confused and told him, “If that’s the case, I must have been dreaming.”02b00 0-
  

Top answer

0It seems quite good to me as is, Yoong Liat. Suggestions are in bold:02br 02br 01i 00Once there were two brothers01b 00; b02b 00eing twins, they looked alike. 02br 02br 00In the evening, his brother went to the same 01b 00barbershop02b 00 and the barber was astonished.

  • 0It seems quite good to me as is, Yoong Liat.
  • Suggestions are in bold:02br 02br 01i 00Once there were two brothers01b 00; b02b 00eing twins, they looked alike.
  • 02br 02br 00In the evening, his brother went to the same 01b 00barbershop02b 00 and the barber was astonished.
  • 02b 00 So he01b 00 exclaimed to02b 00 the young man, “Sir, I’ve not seen a person’s hair 01b 00grow02b 00 so fast.
  • 02b 00”02br 02br 00The young man was also puzzled because he did not know that his brother had01b 00 had02b 00 his hair cut 01b 00that02b 00 morning.
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5 Answers
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0It seems quite good to me as is, Yoong Liat. Suggestions are in bold:02br
02br
01i00Once there were two brothers01b00; b02b00eing twins, they looked alike. One morning, one of the brothers went for a haircut.02br
02br
00In the evening, his brother went to the same 01b00barbershop02b00 and the barber
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0 Many thanks, Micawber, for the your constructive comments. 0-
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1b00Hi Micawber 02b02br
02br
00One morning, one of the brothers went for a haircut. In the evening, his brother went to the same barbershop and the barber was astonished. He remembered having cut the young man’s hair and now he 01b00had returned 02b00(01i01b00was returning02b02i00) to the shop for ano
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0No. Actually, I considered the past perfect there briefly, but realized that the past continuous was much more effective in creating the narrative image.0-
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0 Thanks, Micawber, for your explanation. 0-

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