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Yoong Liat Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

passage

0Could someone please edit this short passage for me. Thank you very much.02br
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00Last Sunday, Sam was walking home when he spotted a nest 01i00in02i00 a tree. He wanted to take the eggs, so he climbed up the tree.00 00He was very happy when he was sitting on the branch of the tree where the eggs were. Just as he was about to remove an egg from the nest, a very strong wind blew and the nest fell onto the ground. 00 02br
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00Sam quickly climbed down from the tree. He was going to take the eggs when he saw that every one of them was broken. He was very disappointed.00 02br
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00On his way home, he kept thinking of how the wind had prevented him from having the eggs.01u02u02br
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00 0-
  

Top answer

0Hi,02br 02br 01font 00Last Sunday, Sam was walking home when he spotted a nest 01i 00in02i 00 a tree. He wanted to take/get the eggs, so he climbed up. He was very happy when he was sitting on the branch where they were.

— Clive

  • 0Hi,02br 02br 01font 00Last Sunday, Sam was walking home when he spotted a nest 01i 00in02i 00 a tree.
  • He wanted to take/get the eggs, so he climbed up.
  • He was very happy when he was sitting on the branch where they were.
  • Just as he was about to remove one from the nest, a very strong wind blew and it fell on the ground.
  • 02font 02br 02br 01font 00Sam quickly climbed down.
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5 Answers
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0Hi,02br
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01font00Last Sunday, Sam was walking home when he spotted a nest 01i00in02i00 a tree. He wanted to take/get the eggs, so he climbed up. He was very happy when he was sitting on the branch where they were. Just as he was about to remove one from the nest, a very strong wind blew and it fell on the ground. 02fon
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0Clive02br
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00Could you please tell me where the repetitions are so that I've a very clear picture and do away with them in future? Thank you very much.0-
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0 For example you've overused the word tree. It sounds very repetitive. When you constantly repeat a simple noun in this way it ends up sounding like a child's 'learn-to-read' workbook. You can see how Clive dealt with the problem. 0-
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0 01blockquote
01cite10Nona The Brit12cite10For example you've overused the word tree. It sounds very repetitive. When you constantly repeat a simple noun in this way it ends up sounding like a child's 'learn-to-read' workbook. You can see how Clive dealt with the problem.12blockquote
10Thanks, Nona. I agree with you.0-
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0Hi Clive02br
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00I was in a hurry to go out and didn't realise that you had corrected the passage. That's why I asked you to highlight the words repeated.02br
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00I'm sorry about that.02br
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00Thank you very much for your assistance.0-
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