Part of application letter, please review

Question

0 This is part of application letter for a traineeship opportunity. I only needed 15+ lines of explanation why did I choose certain department, not entire motivation letter. If someone could read and critique it, I would much appreciate it!   02br02br00-- 02br02br00Among the broad range of interests that arose during my time as a student of economic and philosophy university, macroeconomics and finance unquestionably distinct themselves the most. What begun as zealous study of the macroeconomic history as well as of the up to date macroeconomic issues, under guidance of professor Bicanic, was further broadened by the knowledge of European Union’s specific macroeconomic issues through the participation in the classes and research of professor Jovancevic. 02br00That being said, the choice of Council of Europe Development Bank among other departments was rather straightforward. 02br00I believe that the traineeship in the Council of Europe Development Bank would be no less then the matchless step forward in my professional development. This is due to the several facts: first, somewhere along the evolution of my macroeconomic focus, the European Union issues have separated themselves from all other interest domains and now definitely take a very special place, making them likely to retain my attention in years to come. Second set of reasons lies in the traineeship opportunity itself – this kind of experience could be of crucial importance to my career development and can not, really, be attained by any other means in this point in my life. 02br00However, it would be wrong to think that all the benefits should be expected on my side alone – I am confident that I will be of much use as a trainee in the Council of Europe Development Bank. Immense enthusiasm, exceptional working habits and perhaps even professional competence are here to secure that. 02br02br00-- 02br02br00TNX!! 0-

Abbie1948 · Accepted Answer

0 During my time as a student of economics and philosophy at University, I had a broad range of 01b00studies02b00, of which I found macroeconomics and finance unquestionably the most interesting. 02br
02br
00My initial enthusiasm for macroeconomic history and 01b00current02b00 macroeconomic issues studied under Professor Bicanic was heightened by my participation in the classes and research of professor Jovancevic. It was during this time that I developed my knowledge and understanding of the specific macroeconomic issues of the European Union 02br
01blockquote

00That being said, the choice of Council of Europe Development Bank among other departments was rather straightforward.12blockquote

10 01i00What is the relevence of this sentence?02i02br
02br
00I believe that a traineeship in the Council of Europe Development Bank would be a major step in my professional development. First, I have a profound and lasting interest in European Union issues. Most importantly, however is the traineeship opportunity itself. Such a unique training experience could be of crucial importance to my career development. 02br
02br
00I consider myself to be an enthusiastic person, with a well-developed sense of professional behaviour. Were I to be offered this opportunity, I would be a loyal, hard-working trainee, and aim to be an asset to my employers. 0-

Ha-nocri · Answer

0 Yes, it helps a lot, tnx! 02br
02br
00Sentence you are referring to is there because this entire writing 02br
00is actually answer to the question why have i chosen certain 02br
00department to perform traineeship in. 02br
02br
00here's the updated version: 02br
02br
00-- 02br
02br
00Among the broad range of interests that arose during my time as a student of economics and philosophy at University, macroeconomics and finance unquestionably distinct themselves the most. 02br
02br
00What begun as zealous study of the macroeconomic history as well as of the current macroeconomic issues, under guidance of professor Bicanic, was heightened by the knowledge of European Union’s specific macroeconomic issues through the participation in the classes and research of professor Jovancevic. 02br
02br
00That being said, the choice of Council of Europe Development Bank among the other departments was rather straightforward. 02br
02br
00Furthermore, I believe that a traineeship in the Council of Europe Development Bank could be a major step in my professional development. This is due to the several facts: first, somewhere along the evolution of my macroeconomic focus, the European Union has set itself apart from all the other interest domains and now definitely takes a very special place, making it likely to retain my attention in years to come. Most importantly, however is the traineeship opportunity itself – such a unique training experience could be of a crucial importance to my career development and could hardly be attained in any other way. 02br
02br
00However, it would be wrong to think that all the benefits should be expected on my side alone – I am confident that I will be a valuable asset as a trainee in the Council of Europe Development Bank. Immense enthusiasm and well-developed sense of professional behavior are here to secure that. 02br
02br
00-- 02br
02br
00i didn't change it much since it is really not a motivation letter or something 02br
00like that but and answer to a specific question. I’m mostly worried about "a"-s and "the"-s, 02br
00i was never very good at that (as can probably be seen) 0-

Abbie1948 · Answer

0 Hello ha-nocri, 02br
02br
00Do I understand that you only want comment on articles and definite articles, and that you are generally happy with the English in your letter? If that is the case, I have removed them in the quotes below. 02br
02br
00If you really want a critique: 02br
01blockquote

00Among the broad range of interests that arose during my time as a student of economics and philosophy at University, macroeconomics and finance unquestionably distinct themselves the most.12blockquote

12br
02br
00In this sentence, you speak of a "broad range of interests". It is perhaps not clear whether you are referring to 01i00academic02i00 interests or hobbies. 02br
01blockquote

00unquestionably distinct themselves the most12blockquote

12br
02br
00this phrase is not well constructed. "Distinct" is an 01i00adjective02i00 but you are using it as a verb. 02br
01blockquote

00What begun as zealous study of macroeconomic history as well as of the current macroeconomic issues, under 11b10the12b10 guidance of professor Bicanic was heightened by the knowledge of 11b10the12b10 European Union’s specific macroeconomic issues through participation in the classes and research of professor Jovancevic.12blockquote

12br
02br
00This sentence is far too long, contains too much information, and so becomes difficult to understand. It would be better to break it down into 2 seperate sentences. 02br
01blockquote

00What 11b10begun12b10 as zealous study...12blockquote

12br
02br
00You need the simple past of "begin" here, and I feel that "zealous study" may be a bit of a hyperbole. 02br
01blockquote

00That being said, the choice of Council of Europe Development Bank among the other departments was rather straightforward.12blockquote

12br
02br
00This sentence does not really say what you intend. 02br
02br
01blockquote

00Furthermore, I believe that a traineeship in the Council of Europe Development Bank could be a major step in my professional development. This is due to several facts: first, somewhere along the evolution of my macroeconomic focus, the European Union has set itself apart from all the other interest domains and now definitely takes a very special place. Most importantly, however is the traineeship opportunity itself – such a unique training experience could be of a crucial importance to my career development and could hardly be attained in any other way.12blockquote

12br
02br
01b00This is due to several facts02b02br
02br
00but you only state 2 reasons. 02br
02br
00Again, your sentences are too long and contain too much information. 02br
02br
01b00all the other interest domains 02b02br
02br
00This phrase does not really work in English 02br
02br
01blockquote

00However, it would be wrong to think that all the benefits should be expected on my side alone – I am confident that I will be a valuable asset as a trainee in the Council of Europe Development Bank. Immense enthusiasm and well-developed sense of professional behavior are here to secure that.12blockquote

12br
02br
00I know what you are trying to say, but the phraseology could be a little better. It makes you sound a little over-confident, at least to English ears. 0-

Ha-nocri · Answer

0 Ok, tnx... i changed most of it so now it's more or less the way you suggested it 02br
00the first time 050010id10

Ha-nocri · Answer

0 ok, just one more thing. the answer had to be 15 lines, and it came 02br
00out just 13-14 so i want to edit this sentence that is not so clear: 02br
02br
00- 02br
00That being said, my choice of Council of Europe Development Bank among the other departments was rather straightforward. 02br
00- 02br
02br
00to: 02br
02br
00- 02br
00That being said, my choice of Council of Europe Development Bank among the other departments was rather straightforward – traineeship in Council of Europe Development Bank is likely to grant me a valuable experiences in the field that has my attention now and is likely to retain it in years to come. 02br
00- 02br
02br
02br
00actually, the first one was clear by itself already since there is this form where i 02br
00first pick the department and than elaborate my choice with this short essay. but, 02br
00i now have to insert something more like this second sentence and would appreciate 02br
00some advices here as well! TNX! 0-

Abbie1948 · Answer

0 01blockquote

00That being said, my choice of Council of Europe Development Bank among the other departments was rather straightforward – traineeship in Council of Europe Development Bank is likely to grant me a valuable experiences in the field that has my attention now and is likely to retain it in years to come.12blockquote

12br
02br
01b00Given my special interest in the macroeconomics of the European Union, it seemed self-evident to me that the Council of Europe Development Bank should be my first choice for a traineeship. Were I to be accepted, I believe that I would gain invaluable experience for my future career.02b02br
0-

Guest · Answer

0Hi, 02br
02br
00I was looking on the net and i saw that you have written about professor Jovancevic. I am from Sloveniaa and i am looking for all my family across the word. 02br
00please, contact me on my email: 01span00Email Removed02span0-

Abbie1948 · Answer

0 Hi Guest, 02br
02br
00Family history is a bit specialised, but there are lots of sites on the web. I got about 450 hits by typing 01blockquote

00Jovancevic12blockquote

10 into the search bar. You might want to try that. 02br
02br
00Good luck 0-

Part of application letter, please review

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