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Mehdi kord Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Paragraph review

Can you read this paragraph and give me some advice to make it better?


Have you ever wondered why, despite all the technologies and welfare we enjoy nowadays, there is still an existential but ignored unhappiness that afflicts us time to time? Have you ever been to an extraordinary fantastic place, known by other individuals to be impressive, but that infamous covert sadness still accosting you? Unfortunately, I think, although we have done our best to prepare a good level of living with a lot of furniture and other superficial stuff, we almost completely have forgotten the part of our soul, the spiritual needs of the mind, and the most essential thing: love to each other. In a society whose people just consider their profit, even if that is against the moral principles and may cause crucial drudgery to their friends, one cannot expect to reach that level of life that will make him peaceful and be in a state of nirvana. Moreover, some believe leading a life of indulgence, without being abstemious to some extent in deleterious aspects, by itself can lead to a state of apathy.
  
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