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Anonymous Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Paragraph review
Hello, my name is Maciej. I am 24 y.o. I am struggling to improve my writing skills. Below you can find my essay (or rather a paragraph regarding its length). I would be very grateful if you can review it for me. It's just for me, I do not study english at any institution, only at home. The most important for me is that the reader can understand 100% of the text. Golden ABC rule is essential. Please, comment! If I can reciprocate, please let me know how. Thank you.
The influence of birth order on personality
The influence of birth order on personality remains unconfirmed. In fact, there are too many complex variables modifiers which influence it; therefore, the measurement of birth order’s impact on personality and deflection caused by it on character’s examination results, are impossible. Main distorters to the outcome are such factors as: family size, family’s financial and social status, gender structure, upbringing methods and its environment. For example, bigger families statistically perform lower financial status that often entails lower social status, both of which may restrict educational possibilities. Also, gender of firstborns influences later siblings, for this, as well as parenting methods and environment, does change the responsibility, trust and general treatment style bestowed from adults to children.
Moreover, some initially associated qualities according to birth order were proven baseless and even misinforming. The only one reliable research were narrowed to examine birth order’s influence on siblings’ IQ index exclusively. It had been carried out in Switzerland on a group of 6,3 thousand 19-years-old men and has shown, that, on one hand, every next child has IQ lower of 1 point. On the other hand however, associated scientific research has proven that IQ index is over ten times less important than conscientiousness and openness to new experience, concerning attitude represented in adulthood. That is, IQ level were accredited influence on one’s personality in less than 1%. In conclusion, according to the one comprehensive digest of studies which were conducted on that issue during the years 1946-1980, modern scientists described them as inconclusive, unclear, misinforming and “generally a waste of time”http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/#_ftn1. Henceforth this question was put aside.
http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/#_ftnref1 Ernst, C. & Angst, J. (1983). Birth order: Its influence on personality. Springer.
The influence of birth order on personality
The influence of birth order on personality remains unconfirmed. In fact, there are too many complex variables modifiers which influence it; therefore, the measurement of birth order’s impact on personality and deflection caused by it on character’s examination results, are impossible. Main distorters to the outcome are such factors as: family size, family’s financial and social status, gender structure, upbringing methods and its environment. For example, bigger families statistically perform lower financial status that often entails lower social status, both of which may restrict educational possibilities. Also, gender of firstborns influences later siblings, for this, as well as parenting methods and environment, does change the responsibility, trust and general treatment style bestowed from adults to children.
Moreover, some initially associated qualities according to birth order were proven baseless and even misinforming. The only one reliable research were narrowed to examine birth order’s influence on siblings’ IQ index exclusively. It had been carried out in Switzerland on a group of 6,3 thousand 19-years-old men and has shown, that, on one hand, every next child has IQ lower of 1 point. On the other hand however, associated scientific research has proven that IQ index is over ten times less important than conscientiousness and openness to new experience, concerning attitude represented in adulthood. That is, IQ level were accredited influence on one’s personality in less than 1%. In conclusion, according to the one comprehensive digest of studies which were conducted on that issue during the years 1946-1980, modern scientists described them as inconclusive, unclear, misinforming and “generally a waste of time”http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/#_ftn1. Henceforth this question was put aside.
http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/#_ftnref1 Ernst, C. & Angst, J. (1983). Birth order: Its influence on personality. Springer.
Top answer
Hi, Let me just offer a few quick edits and comments on your first paragraph. The influence of birth order on personality remains unconfirmed. In fact, there are too many complex variables and modifiers which influence it <<< what does 'it' refer to?
- Hi, Let me just offer a few quick edits and comments on your first paragraph.
- The influence of birth order on personality remains unconfirmed.
- In fact, there are too many complex variables and modifiers which influence it <<< what does 'it' refer to?
- ; therefore, the measurement of birth order’s impact on personality and d eflection caused by it on character’s examination results , <<< this whole underlined phrase needs rewriting is i mpossible.
- The Main distorters 'distorters' is not really a word to the outcome are such factors as no colon family size, family’s financial and social status, gender structure of the family , upbringing methods and family environment.
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1 Answers
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Hi,
Let me just offer a few quick edits and comments on your first paragraph.
The influence of birth order on personality remains unconfirmed. In fact, there are too many complex variables and modifiers which influence it <<< what does
Let me just offer a few quick edits and comments on your first paragraph.
The influence of birth order on personality remains unconfirmed. In fact, there are too many complex variables and modifiers which influence it <<< what does
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