Paragraph - corrections if needed.

Question

I need a bit of help. Just want to know if any major corrections are to be made in this paragraph. I shall be eternally grateful.

*It has always been one of my dreams to go somewhere far from my native country for the acquisition of education where I could come across people from different cultures, race, language and those who possess different beliefs from the ones I do. This creates diversity and we all are aware of how much beneficial can it be in forging strong relationships. It's not only confined to relationships but I'm of the opinion one gets to learn more while living in such diverse environment rather than in an environment where you are surrounded by people of same region, race and language.*

Blue Jay · Accepted Answer

It has always been one of my dreams to go somewhere far from my native country for the acquisition of education (it's not wrong, but it's an unusual way to phrase this. More usual phrases would be to further my education or to pursue my education.) where I could come across people from different cultures, race, language and those who possess different beliefs from the ones I do (You can have people from different cultures and races, but not from different languages and beliefs. You could say where I could meet people from different cultures and races, who speak different languages and who hold different beliefs than I do.)
. This creates diversity, and we all are aware of how ~~much~~ beneficial ~~can it~~ it can be in forging strong relationships. ~~It's~~ The benefit is not only confined to relationships, however. ~~but~~ I'm of the opinion one gets to learn more while living in such a diverse environment rather than in an environment where you are surrounded by people of the same region, race and language.

JimmyH · Answer

Thank you so much for the correction <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' alt='Emotion: smile'/>

JimmyH · Answer

To make my views look more strong, I gave an example. Let me know if any chances are to be made.

"For instance, my national language is Urdu but I have studied in english medium school for 12 years. We usually tend to converse in our national language with people be it at homes or outdoors for obvious reasons. Despite studying in such medium, I may not be able to match up with the accent and the fluency of the people who are indigenous to countries where american language is spoken by/known to masses. In other words, one gets utterly immersed in a culture which speaks the language which you are learning and consequently your communication skills dramatically improve."

Ehaboof · Answer

Blue Jay did a great work, but I think it would be better if you say "people of the same region and race who speak the same language" in the end of the first paragraph.

JimmyH · Answer

I realized the need of correcting this after reading it out again. Thanks <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' alt='Emotion: smile'/>

Blue Jay · Answer

For instance, my national language (or native language or mother tongue) is Urdu but I have studied in an English-medium school for 12 years. We usually tend to converse in our national language with people, be it at homes or outdoors, for obvious reasons (you could put for obvious reasons at the beginning of the sentence instead of at the end). Despite studying in ~~such~~ this medium (I would just say English), I may not be able to match up with the accent and the fluency of the people who are indigenous to countries where ~~american language~~ English is spoken by/known (I would be inclined to pick and or or to go between by and known) to the masses. In other words, one gets utterly immersed in a culture which speaks (where people speak) the language which you are learning and consequently your communication skills dramatically improve. (The last sentence doesn't quite follow smoothly from the previous one. It could use something like In other words, when one lives in another country one gets...... )

Blue Jay · Answer

Ehaboofit would be better if you say "people of the same region and race who speak the same language" in the end of the first paragraph

Yes, I don't know what I was thinking. Sorry.

Paragraph - corrections if needed.

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