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Anonymous Posted 17 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Paragraph correction HELP!!!!
Hi! I would like someone to correct this paragraph. It was a writing assignment and I'm not sure if it is ok. Any comments are welcome!
The topic on which we should have based our paragraph was: "Personal characteristics as well as environmental factors can have a bearing on a person's choice of a carrer"
My paragraph:
"It comes a time when you have to decide what professional career suits you best. This decision-making and its results will depend mostly on two factors. On the one hand, you should think about what you would like to do and what you are good at. No matter what you choose to do, you should think that you will be dedicated to it eight hours a day, five days a week if not more. As a consequence, not only you should like it, but also it should be something you are keen on given that, if the contrary happens, you will find it a drudgery and eventually you will hate it. This will result in a bad performance of your work, your unhapiness and inefficiency as a worker. On the other hand, it is quite important to analize the working conditions you will be faced with. Aspects like salary, benefits and work enviroment are crucial when deciding what career to follow. First, you should consider having an income that allows you to satisfy, at least, your basic needs such as food, clothing, sanitation and healthcare. Second you should aspire to a job where you are able to enjoy good benefits for example pension plans, childcare allowances, health insurance, vacations, paid leaves. And in the third but not less important place, you should aim at having a working enviroment that is friendly and confortable. As shown, the working conditions also influece you work and therefore should be bore in mind before accepting a job. All in all, the points above mentioned should be taken into consideration before making any decision on your professional life."
Thanks in advance!
The topic on which we should have based our paragraph was: "Personal characteristics as well as environmental factors can have a bearing on a person's choice of a carrer"
My paragraph:
"It comes a time when you have to decide what professional career suits you best. This decision-making and its results will depend mostly on two factors. On the one hand, you should think about what you would like to do and what you are good at. No matter what you choose to do, you should think that you will be dedicated to it eight hours a day, five days a week if not more. As a consequence, not only you should like it, but also it should be something you are keen on given that, if the contrary happens, you will find it a drudgery and eventually you will hate it. This will result in a bad performance of your work, your unhapiness and inefficiency as a worker. On the other hand, it is quite important to analize the working conditions you will be faced with. Aspects like salary, benefits and work enviroment are crucial when deciding what career to follow. First, you should consider having an income that allows you to satisfy, at least, your basic needs such as food, clothing, sanitation and healthcare. Second you should aspire to a job where you are able to enjoy good benefits for example pension plans, childcare allowances, health insurance, vacations, paid leaves. And in the third but not less important place, you should aim at having a working enviroment that is friendly and confortable. As shown, the working conditions also influece you work and therefore should be bore in mind before accepting a job. All in all, the points above mentioned should be taken into consideration before making any decision on your professional life."
Thanks in advance!
Top answer
You're not answering the question. You need to focus on personal characteristics and environmental factors. g.
- You're not answering the question.
- You need to focus on personal characteristics and environmental factors.
- g.
- Are you organized?
- Do you have a chance to hone your skills?
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1 Answers
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You're not answering the question. You need to focus on personal characteristics and environmental factors. e.g. Are you organized? Do you have a chance to hone your skills?
There comes a time when you have to decide what professional career suits you best. This decision-making and its results will depend mostly on two factors. On the one hand, you should think about what y
There comes a time when you have to decide what professional career suits you best. This decision-making and its results will depend mostly on two factors. On the one hand, you should think about what y
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