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Gloxinia Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Paragraph
please check my rewriting to the paragraph below:
Once there was a man. He was old. He lived alone. He became lonely. Someone gave him a hen. She became his companion. Each morning the hen laid an egge. He made up his mind. He would try an experiment. Perhaps he could get more egges. He would feed the hen more again. Maybe she would lay more eggs. He could eat two eggs each day. He doubled the feed. The hen became fat. She became lazy. She laid no eggs at all. The man was disappointed. He became angry. He was hungry. He killed and ate the hen. He was lonely again. He become hungry again. He had no companion. He had no eggs.
my rewriting:
Once, there was an old man living alone. Someone gave him a hen which became his companion. Each morning she laid an egge. when he made up his mind, He would try an experiment which is feeding the hen more again in order to lay more eggs. As a result the hen became fat and lazy. And because she laid no eggs at all, the man was disappointed. Moreover he became angry since he was hungry. After he killed and ate the hen, he was lonely and hungry again.
And please check my punctuation too. Thank you.
Once there was a man. He was old. He lived alone. He became lonely. Someone gave him a hen. She became his companion. Each morning the hen laid an egge. He made up his mind. He would try an experiment. Perhaps he could get more egges. He would feed the hen more again. Maybe she would lay more eggs. He could eat two eggs each day. He doubled the feed. The hen became fat. She became lazy. She laid no eggs at all. The man was disappointed. He became angry. He was hungry. He killed and ate the hen. He was lonely again. He become hungry again. He had no companion. He had no eggs.
my rewriting:
Once, there was an old man living alone. Someone gave him a hen which became his companion. Each morning she laid an egge. when he made up his mind, He would try an experiment which is feeding the hen more again in order to lay more eggs. As a result the hen became fat and lazy. And because she laid no eggs at all, the man was disappointed. Moreover he became angry since he was hungry. After he killed and ate the hen, he was lonely and hungry again.
And please check my punctuation too. Thank you.
Top answer
Once, there was an old man living who lived alone. Someone gave him a hen which became his companion. Each morning she laid an --egg e-- egg .
- Once, there was an old man living who lived alone.
- Someone gave him a hen which became his companion.
- Each morning she laid an --egg e-- egg .
- when he made up his mind, He would He decided to try an experiment which is with feeding the hen more again in order to see if she would lay more eggs.
- As a result the The hen became fat and lazy--.
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Once, there was an old man living who lived alone. Someone gave him a hen which became his companion. Each morning she laid an --egge--egg. when he made up his mind, He would He decided to try an experiment which is
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