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Cute572 Posted 18 years ago
Grammar

Paragraph

0Hello there 05002br
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00Thnks02br
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00My light-brown table placed at opposite side of bed, lift my intelligent computer system. Heavy white monitor, with gray protected shield, lies at top surface of table. Merely below there is soft, easy to press keyboard held. Carry several grouped square keys00.The moving hand of my desktop screen, mouse, quietly lied over black sponge pad, next to keyboard. Tow audio speakers stand at both sides of monitor like a guard. Down shelve the master mind CPU stand with complicated integrated systems. In front of table I see a small 00round 00 stool, lied on my livid carpet. 00 010id1
  

Top answer

02b 00)my intelligent computer system. 01b 00A02b 00 01b 00heavy02b 00 white monitor, with 01b 00a02b 00 gray protected shield, lies at top surface of 01b 00the02b 00 table. Merely below there is 01b 00a 02b 00soft, 01b 00easy-to-press02b 00 keyboard held.

— New2grammar

  • 02b 00)my intelligent computer system.
  • 01b 00A02b 00 01b 00heavy02b 00 white monitor, with 01b 00a02b 00 gray protected shield, lies at top surface of 01b 00the02b 00 table.
  • Merely below there is 01b 00a 02b 00soft, 01b 00easy-to-press02b 00 keyboard held.
  • 02b 00The moving hand of my desktop screen, mouse, quietly lied over black sponge pad, next to 01b 00the02b 00 keyboard.
  • 01b 00Two02b 00 audio speakers stand at both sides of 01b 00the 02b 00monitor like 01b 00guards02b 00.
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37 Answers
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0 My take on the easy ones.02br
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00Please guys check my paragraph for 01b00improvements02b00 and errors !02br
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01b00Thanks02b02br
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00My light-brown table placed at opposite side of 01b00the 02b00bed, lift (01b00lifts?02b00)my intelligent comp
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0My light-brown table placed 01font00on 02font01del00at02del00 01font00the 02font00opposite side of 01b00the 02b00bed, lift01font00s02font00 (01b00lifts?02b00)my intelligent computer system.02
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0Thanks guyz for pointing out errors i made. Well do you have any suggestions to improve my paragraph? its seem so cruel and materialistic, in other words, i dont see any coherence and softness. 02br
00Mr.Optilang, why i cant use both side of monitor ? as speakers stand at left and right of monitor. 02br
00Instead of Stand what word would be appropriate as my words repea
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0Cute, why don't you repost the paragraph with the suggestions you've received. It would be easier to provide further comments if we could see a complete picture.0-
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0Okay I'm writing after suggestions I have received. 05002br
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00My light-brown table placed on the opposite side of the bed, lifts my intelligent computer system. A heavy white monitor, with a gray protected shield, lies on top of the table. Just below there is a soft [can I add here the word sound?], easy-to-press keyboard, with several square keys grouped together
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0Heaven knows it does not need more adjectives.02br
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01i01font01del00moving hand of my desktop screen02del00, 02font02i01b00The 02b01i01font00mouse01del00,02del00 quietly lie02font02i01b00
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0Try to think of a giant metaphor for the whole thing. The part about the guards is great- but it doesn't match the rest of the imagery. It is a sleeping giant? Small in size, but powerful in nature? Try to think of how each piece fits in with the entire metaphor.0-
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0 01span02span01span02span02br
01span00Hello Grammar Geek, thanks for helping me here!02span02br
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01span00Well I don’t understand the previous post. Giant size, are you saying about speaker size I sh
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0Ignore my comment about the giant. I was just trying to think of a metaphor for you. I didn't mean giant, the adjective, but giant, the noun. Your computer is a giant in its power - it's just a small size.02br
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01i00My light brown table supports the intelligent computer system at the opposite side of bed.02i00 This sounds like the table is on one side
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1span01i00My light brown table supports the intelligent computer system at the opposite side of bed.02i00 This sounds like the table is on one side of the bed and the computer is on the other - clearly not right..02span02br
00ok instead of support, Holds is ok ? 0-
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