Order and non-essential clause

Question

Hi Guys!Could you please check out this sentence of mine?It seemed that the work, of the branch's top management, has been affected by the lack of team collaboration. (preferred)OrIt seemed that the branch work has been affected by the lack of team collaboration in our top management members.(alternative)Can we use non-essential clause with preposition?Which one sound ok ? Does the sentence feel cluttered?Take care all!

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi,

Could you please check out this sentence of mine?

Your tenses are inconsistent. Depending on your intended meaning, say either

seems / has been affected

or

seemed / had been affected.

It seemed that the work, of the branch's top management, has been affected by the lack of team collaboration. (preferred)

Omit the commas.

THis sounds like the top management are not part of the team, but that the team's problem is affecting the top management.

If you want to show that the team consists of top management, say '. . . by their lack of . . '.

Do you need to use the term word 'team collaboration', or can you simply say 'collaboration'? Is there a difference?

The word 'teamwork' is more commonly used.

Or

It seemed that the branch work has been affected by the lack of team collaboration in our top management members.(alternative)

This is a clumsy sentence.

It is saying that the work of the whole branch is affected.

The first sentence just said that the work of the top managment was affected.

Which do you mean?

Can we use non-essential clause with preposition?
Which one sound ok ?

Does the sentence feel cluttered?

Best wishes, Clive

Cute572 · Answer

Thank you Clive for replying my question!
I want to say that customers are unsatisfied with the product from one branch of the compnay and complains about it. The reason of this problem is top management team do not coorporate with one another,and thus affecting output reasult.

It seems that the work, of the branch's topmanagement, has been affected by their lack of teamwork.

Now hows that sounds?

Clive · Answer

Hi,

I want to say that customers are unsatisfied with the product from one branch of the compnay and complains about it. The reason of this problem is top management team do not coorporate with one another,and thus affecting output reasult.

It seems that the work, of the branch's topmanagement, has been affected by their lack of teamwork.

Now hows that sounds?

It seems that the work (no comma) of the branch's top management has been affected by their lack of teamwork.

This is OK, except that repeating the word 'work' is not good style.

You could consider

It seems that the branch's top management needs to work more as a team.

Best wishes, Clive

Cute572 · Answer

Thanks Clive for you sugguestions and help

I am revising this sentence again and again by changing styles.

Here is one more try:
how is this version?

Primarily it seems that their marketing/promotional work has been affected by the lack of team collaboration among their top management.

Their is used instead of branch as I am spliting the idea in two sentences.

Second version is like that:

It seems a lack of team work, among their top management, has caused unsatisfying results for the clients.

Take care!

Clive · Answer

Hi,

I am revising this sentence again and again by changing styles.

Here is one more try:

how is this version?

Primarily it seems that their marketing/promotional work has been affected by the lack of team collaboration among their top management.

Their is used instead of branch as I am spliting the idea in two sentences.

Second version is like that:

It seems a lack of team work, among their top management, has caused unsatisfying results for the clients. (Remove the commas)

These will do.. #2 sounds a bit harsher, more direct.

Clive

Cute572 · Answer

Thanks Clive, I am going with sentence one.

I have one more sentence. It was just balance but now word MS pointing out it as Fragment. I dont understand why?

Need help here also.

After meeting with company's CEO, I learned some serious issues regarding to our west branch, and wanted further details from our team members.

Can you point out why its fragement?

Thanks
Take care!
Cute572

Clive · Answer

Hi,

I have one more sentence. It was just balance but now word MS pointing out it as Fragment. I dont understand why?

Need help here also.

After meeting with the company's CEO, I learned some serious issues regarding to our west branch, and wanted further details from our team members.

Can you point out why its fragement? Try removing the comma after 'branch' and see if that makes MS Word happy.

Clive

Cute572 · Answer

Hello Clive!

I have remove the comma as you suggested and MS doesn't show any fragement. I also put have before learned as its present perfect tense (I just have come to know)

After meeting with the company's CEO, I have learned some serious issues regarding our west branch, and wanted further details from our team members.

I want to know as you can see its formal writing, instead of "I have learned" use "I have acknowlegded"?

Besides of this question, Learned sounds good in formal language? I use this word in other sentence but my brother pointed out to use "It has also comes to my notice"...Its a nice phrase but its long I want to make my writing precise.
So what is your opinion, "I have learned" or "it has also comes to my notice"?

Thanks once again for all your help in these sentences!
Take care!

Dimsumexpress · Answer

Cute572
After meeting with the company's CEO, I have learned other serious issues ( concerning) regarding our west branch, and wanted further details from our team members.

Hi Cute,

While you are waiting for Clive's answer, I'd toss in my 2 cents on this particular passage.

I would personally go with "I have learned..." rather than "acknowledged" which means you are admitting that you have some idea about the issues with the West Branch.

"I have learned" paints a picture that you only found out from the meeting with the CEO and you have no prior knowledge of the problems at Weat Branch.

Also, "It has come to my attention..." is the more common phrasing in inter-office memos and correspondence.

Clive · Answer

Hi,

After meeting with the company's CEO, I have learned of some serious issues regarding our west branch, and

wanted Past tense seems wrong. 'Want' if you want the details now. But 'want' is a strong word, and in my experience not used a lot in business communication. Perhaps 'require / need'?

further details from our team members.

I want to know as you can see its formal writing, instead of "I have learned" use "I have acknowlegded"? The meaning of 'acknowledge' does not work here.

Besides of this question, Learned sounds good in formal language? I use this word in other sentence but my brother pointed out to use "It has also comes to my notice"...Its a nice phrase but its long I want to make my writing precise.

So what is your opinion, "I have learned" or "it has also comes to my notice"?

'Learned' seems a reasonable choice.

You are writing this in a way that suggests you are a senior person, probably with authority in this area. I assume that's appropriate.

Best wishes, Clive

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