Opinions wanted.

Anyone want to give opinions on my poem? Please be honest, even if it's harsh. I want truth. Thank you!

Head above water

I love seeing you happy and smiling.
When I somehow manage to make you laugh
When you stay to spend time with only me
When you give me the smile that's just for me

I love seeing you happy.
It's why I help you with girls
Why I keep my thoughts to myself
hold on, head above water

I love seeing you
not just for your face.
buzzing and playful
weary and lazing
eyes lit up means you thought of something adroit
lips twitch and cheeks dimple Right before you laugh
I read you better than I can read myself

I love you.
Don't ask me why or how
Lord knows I've tried not to.
I block out emotions
they take backseat to reason
I find ease in apathy
But something about you won't let me go

I love
Being near you
however I can
Even just as friends
Even just in my mind

I
Have to remind myself that you don't want a relationship
That you told me you didn't want a relationship
Even when you talk about this one that one and the other
I remind myself what you told me

Me

My fault.

It's always me.

How could it not be,
everyone else seems to be good enough for you
Except me, never me.
Still, my heart wants you.
So I make due.
And try to hold my head above water