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Watchayakan Posted 20 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Opinions on this story excerpt, please
What do y'all think?
***
“Well,” started the hellfighter with a snigger, lowering his head out of the tube, “let’s get down to business.”
He turned to his right, and lo and behold, there happened to be a shop there. He curled the left side of his lips up and started walking towards the establishment. He slowly entered the place, eyeing the toys that were littering around. The man behind the desk, who was surprisingly not an arlian, smiled at the new possible customer. “Welcome; we’ve recently receieved a shipment of some fun weapons that Id think you’d like—they’re at the back,” he said, pointing towards the fresh stock of shoguns and hinting rifles.
Seventeen turned around, only greeting the man with a nod whilst his back was to him. He walked around the corner, and he immediately caught glimpse of their sniper rifle display. The android took one of them into his hands. The cold steel of the finely tuned weapon against his skin gave him a shiver. He suddenly heard conversation at the till; the man was making a sale.
The robot slowly began to raise the rifle, turning it towards the front of the shop. He brought the eyepiece to this left eye and made sure the weapon was steady in his arms, with it resting on his lower forearm and the mains support coming from his hand on the trigger. The green tint illuminated the blue being that was just about done making his deal. Seventeen began to breathe shakily, and his hands started to quiver as the crosshairs pointed nicely to the head. The woman who had bought an old-fashioned ballistic pistol walked away, and the cashier looked to the android.
“Looks like you have a beauty,” he said, smiling at the raven-haired man. The humanoid lowered his gun and began settling himself down.
“Yea, I think I’ll take it.”
***
“Well,” started the hellfighter with a snigger, lowering his head out of the tube, “let’s get down to business.”
He turned to his right, and lo and behold, there happened to be a shop there. He curled the left side of his lips up and started walking towards the establishment. He slowly entered the place, eyeing the toys that were littering around. The man behind the desk, who was surprisingly not an arlian, smiled at the new possible customer. “Welcome; we’ve recently receieved a shipment of some fun weapons that Id think you’d like—they’re at the back,” he said, pointing towards the fresh stock of shoguns and hinting rifles.
Seventeen turned around, only greeting the man with a nod whilst his back was to him. He walked around the corner, and he immediately caught glimpse of their sniper rifle display. The android took one of them into his hands. The cold steel of the finely tuned weapon against his skin gave him a shiver. He suddenly heard conversation at the till; the man was making a sale.
The robot slowly began to raise the rifle, turning it towards the front of the shop. He brought the eyepiece to this left eye and made sure the weapon was steady in his arms, with it resting on his lower forearm and the mains support coming from his hand on the trigger. The green tint illuminated the blue being that was just about done making his deal. Seventeen began to breathe shakily, and his hands started to quiver as the crosshairs pointed nicely to the head. The woman who had bought an old-fashioned ballistic pistol walked away, and the cashier looked to the android.
“Looks like you have a beauty,” he said, smiling at the raven-haired man. The humanoid lowered his gun and began settling himself down.
“Yea, I think I’ll take it.”
Top answer
Nice, but check your spelling. You have a couple of errors in there that are giving quite an amusing unintended meaning!
- Nice, but check your spelling.
- You have a couple of errors in there that are giving quite an amusing unintended meaning!
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4 Answers
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Nice, but check your spelling. You have a couple of errors in there that are giving quite an amusing unintended meaning!
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I just plugged it into word and 'received' is the only real misspelling that popped up. 'Hellfighter' should be 'robot,' but the last misspelling is simply a made-up race. Unless, of course, you mean some words that are spelled properly but don't fit the context.
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They are spelled properly but are not the word that you were intending. I was specifically looking at Shogun and hinting rifles. Shogun and hinting are perfectly good words, but I'm sure you meant Shotguns and hunting rifles. I was amused by the thought of a corner full of Japanese warriors and rifles that give you a hint!
You need to be careful with Word spell check. It is only a dumb ma
You need to be careful with Word spell check. It is only a dumb ma
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Wow, that would be very humourous. I know that spelling and grammar checks aren't the final say, but I usually trust myself while wriitng to correct mistakes (I dislike reading my works over).
Thank you for the help, Nona!
Thank you for the help, Nona!
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