Online sales for retail sectors in Canada

Question

A glance at two pie charts provided reveals how different the online merchandising factors change over the time from 2005 to 2010 in Canada.

Overall, the sales from electronic and applications was the most significant part. Respectively, home furnishings and food and beverage stand at the second. Lastly, video game ended up the two charts with the lowest contribution.

Clearly, the electronic and applications was the best seller in both years, at 35% in 2005 and a slightly lower 30% in 2010. Likewise, home furnishings which was the second most widely popular pastime in 2005 - accounting for 25% - to slipped to a mere 15% in 2010.

The sales from food and beverage which was 22% in 2005 experienced 10% increase in only five years later. Also, the video games put into food and beverage 's shoes. This figure jumped steeply from 18% to 23% and became the third most seller in 2010.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Topic: Online sales for retail sectors in Canada (This is a noun phrase, not the usual IELTS instructions. Please include the instructions so we can judge your ability in "task completion.")

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

You did not carefully look at the data on these pie charts. You made many factual errors in your essay.

A glance at (Those words do not describe the figure. Avoid expressions that do not describe it. They are wasted words.) The two pie charts provided reveals (wrong form) how different the online merchandising factors (wrong word) change over the time from (A line graph or perhaps a bar graph with bars every year can show this, but two pie charts cannot show "change over time".) 2005 to 2010 in Canada.

Overall, the sales from electronic (wrong form) and applications (wrong word) was the most significant ~~part~~. (This is not true for 2010, only for 2005) ~~Respectively~~, home furnishings and food and beverage stand in at the second place. (This is not true. Their sales are not equal in either year.) Lastly, video game (wrong word) ended up (missing word) the two charts with the lowest percentages ~~contribution~~. (wrong word) (That is not true. Look at the charts again.)

Clearly, the electronic and applications was the best seller (wrong word. A best seller is one particular item. e.g. The Apple iPhone X is this year's best seller among all smartphones.) in both years, (That is not true.) at 35% in 2005 and a slightly lower 30% in 2010. Likewise, home furnishings which was the second most widely popular pastime (wrong word) in 2005 - accounting for 25% - to slipped to a mere 15% in 2010.

The sales from food and beverage which was 22% in 2005 ~~experienced 10%~~ increased by 10% ~~in only five years later~~. Also, the video games put into food and beverage 's shoes. (Incorrect expression) The proportion ~~is figure~~ jumped ~~steeply~~ from 18% to 23% and became the third most popular category for online sales ~~seller~~ (wrong word. ) in 2010.

Online sales for retail sectors in Canada

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