One more doubt in editing sentences

Help edit the following sentence:

Aesthetic sports are similar to dance in that the beauty and art of the performance, rather than number of goals or finishing time, is the determinant of the quality of the performance. In this regard, many of the issues described in the section Body Image and Dance are directly relevant to aesthetic sports. Aesthetic sports can thus enhance or undermine body image in a similar manner as to dance in its various forms

My edit would be

Aesthetic sports are similar to dance in that the beauty and art of the performance, rather than number of goals or finishing time, are the determinants of the quality of the performance. In this regard, many of the issues described in the section Body Image and Dance are directly relevant to aesthetic sports. Aesthetic sports can thus enhance or undermine body image in a manner similar to dance in its various forms.

Any other better version than this. If provided with explanations, it would be fine.