On an intersecting street
Jake gets up and peeks out through the closed curtains. The street below is pretty quiet, but at the end of it, you can glimpse the chaotic rush hour traffic on an intersecting street.
Is this well-written? Are the word choices fine? Would you write any of it differently?
Do you prefer one of these slightly different versions more than the one above?
1)...The street below is pretty quiet, but at the end of it, the chaotic rush hour traffic can be glimpsed on an intersecting street.
2)...The street below is pretty quiet, but at the end of it, on an intersecting street, you can glimpse the chaotic rush hour traffic.
3)...The street below is pretty quiet, but at the end of it, on an intersecting street, the chaotic rush hour traffic can be glimpsed.
Thanks.
Top answer
First, I'd throw out "can be glimpsed". Second, I'd say "he" can see the traffic, not "you". Third, I'd call it a cross street, not an intersecting street.
- First, I'd throw out "can be glimpsed".
- Second, I'd say "he" can see the traffic, not "you".
- Third, I'd call it a cross street, not an intersecting street.
- Fourth, optional, 'can glimpse' could be just 'glimpses'.
- anonymous Jake gets up and peeks out through the closed curtains.
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First, I'd throw out "can be glimpsed".
Second, I'd say "he" can see the traffic, not "you".
Third, I'd call it a cross street, not an intersecting street.
Fourth, optional, 'can glimpse' could be just 'glimpses'.
anonymousJake gets up and peeks out through the closed curtains. The street below is pretty quiet, but at the end of it,
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