OBSTACLES

Hi my name is AVI and this is an admission paper as an international undergraduate at MSU and it’s about obstacles and how you overcame them.

I need some advice on shortening it by a paragraph or so if possible and still keeping the same content. I think the wording of some of them is a bit awkward as well. If anyone would be able to help me with this, that would be great.

Thank you

A rolling stone doesn’t gather the mass, but rounds its shape. As a student, I had a similar experience; born in a middle class family in India where I started my schooling, immigrated to Canada at the age of 9 along with my parents for better opportunities and went to school for 3 years, and finally moved to United States of America, a land of opportunities, where I am pursuing my high school. My life went ups and down but always moving forward. I faced several obstacles, learned lessons and overcame those obstacles to succeed in my education and life.

In America I expected to have robot servants, going to Disney land, and eating ham burgers all day. Till that time, all I knew was happiness. I faced cultural, physical and mental obstacles and they influenced my studies and mind. On my first day in an American school, my heart shattered. To other kids, my existence was scandalized. I ate rice, with my hands, couldn’t even mutter a word and had the eyes of awe. Few months later, I was moved out my peer’s circles. A kid stabbed me with a pencil on my right thigh merely because I said the word which he had said to me when I tried to join them in their play. I was not allowed to be myself. I had to be them or be without them. I dressed with long pants and had Michael Jordan tee-shirts. I came in sight with their circles, however, in scorn. I was pushed and beat up by a 7^th grader, whom I have never even met. I was a last resort. They let me play just to push me down on the the playground.

I was addicted to television and faced lot of stress. Watched Fox-kids till 3pm through 5pm. super man at 6 and toonami on cartoon network at 8 and too top it all off I slept thinking I gonna suffer the rest of my life. That’s how I faced my obstacle. By that time, I moved to 4 different schools, one in downtown, Chicago, and 2 suburbs nearby where I didn’t even dare to look at the sun; and finally Michigan Bloomfield hills. The teachers gave me a tour around the school and even a kind girl introduced herself to me. Things were better, I made friends who didn’t like me but at least they were willing to talk to me. One of them was a large boy, had told me he wrestled for the school team and invited me. This was my chance to be part of something.

On the first day of practice, I was a rat in a den of lions. I had an overweight body and left an emanation of stench while all those before had an air of confidence and an aroma of felicity. We ran a few miles, did pushups and the coach made us race in teams. But this time they didn’t try to stab me or throw me off rather I could here them clapping and cheering as I finished a few measly laps. Every second at that moment, all I could hear was their voices and my heart pumping blood. I had to please them. I had a record of 09/10, all pins and one loss on my first match. I was for the first time truly proud as the team passed by hall calling me “the chockestor”. The Season went by, I made some friends and life was good.

Old habits die hard. I figured wrestling was it. I couldn’t do any better so I reverted back to my old self except I had an impulse, something craving to just explode in some way. School was over and I failed an admission test to IA, one of the best high schools in the country. The impulse was burning my spirit; I had to do something to achieve what I want to be in society. I decided to take an admission preparation course at IA with my own will. I passed, but it was a hard learned lesson. No matter how much I chiseled at my mind, I couldn’t even understand the basics. Till that time all I did was dream myself to content. I was a baby in a teen’s body.

I found salvation in exercise. I couldn’t bear to see myself in this musky bulky frame of mine. I thought maybe if I had a six pack and and looked like the stars, people would like me better. I burdened my parents to enroll me in a gym and they yielded. That was just the beginning. I trained 4 hours a day like a mad demon. Every thought of eating was turned to hatred by the “cultural deeds” of others. I also made a dear friend who had help me through these times. I made a huge leap in my condition but I was dumbfounded of it.

However, it was short lived. By the time I was having fun and going to parties I completely neglected my grades. In no time I was out of their school and went back to the home school. My life had been reset. This time around, I was determined to change it. The nightmares and impulse to change made me question. Why am I suffering? Why am I this way? I questioned my identity. Years passed in my high school years, I moved to three different schools but slowly I learned to study, make friends and help others. That skill was honed over time. To make a friend get to their level and destroy all barriers that comes in between. I started reading positive mental attitude books and discussed the content of those books with my dad. He always encouraged me and made certain my answers are mine. My dad is an IT professional and I also got interest in computers. I took internship and did summer work where I improved my computer skills and revamped 2 small businesses. I enrolled into Oakland technical college and perusing for the computer technician certification, a step closer to my dreams. I also learnt so many things from my teachers, my employers and the people I associated with during my social work at hospital, library and temple. I became the person to overcome any obstacle that comes in my way. I can not blame any one, but take responsibility and face it with courage and confidence. Today, I walk proudly knowing my life is my choice and all are within my limits and nothing is impossible. My choice is to progress, follow my dreams and break all odds.

I am aware of the reputation of MSU, and my conversations with my brother who is a sophomore in pre-med in your institute, my research and my parents’ guidance have served to deepen my interest in applying to MSU. I know that, in addition to your excellent faculty, your computer facilities are among the best in the state. I hope you will give me the privilege of attending and pursuing my studies in Computer Science at your fine institution to prove myself as a responsible and successful student of MSU.