Obama's fog index

Question

There's been some discussion on whether Obama writes his own speeches or has a speechwriter. Based on a letter Ron posted, Obama's natural style is convoluted, verbose, and sleep-inducing. I pasted a passage from the letter into a Fog Index calculator. It is almost off-the-scale foggy.

I conclude that he has a speechwriter.
[nq:1]From Obama's letter:[/nq]
"There is grave concern in low-income communities about a potential coming wave of foreclosures. Because regulators are partly responsible for creating the environment that is leading to rising rates of home foreclosure in the subprime mortgage market, I urge you immediately to convene a home ownership preservation summit with leading mortgage lenders, investors, loan servicing organizations, consumer advocates, federal regulators and housing-related agencies to assess options for private sector responses to the challenge.
"We cannot sit on the sidelines while increasing numbers of American families face the risk of losing their homes. And while neither the government nor the private sector acting alone is capable of quickly balancing the important interests in widespread access to credit and responsible lending, both must act and act quickly. Working together, the relevant private sector entities and regulators may be best positioned for quick and targeted responses to mitigate the danger. Rampant foreclosures are in nobody's interest, and I believe this is a case where all responsible industry players can share the objective of eliminating deceptive or abusive practices, preserving homeownership, and stabilizing housing markets.
"The summit should consider best practice loan marketing, underwriting, and origination practices consistent with the recent (and overdue) regulators' Proposed Statement on Subprime Mortgage Lending. The summit participants should also evaluate options for independent loan counseling, voluntary loan restructuring, limited forbearance, and other possible workout strategies."
http://www.nlpmax.com/Tests/FogIndex.aspx
Words counted: 227
Total Sentences: 8
Complex words: 66
Fog Index: 22.9799559471366
Typical Fog Indices:

12 ? Atlantic Monthly
11 ? TIME, Harper's
10 ? Newsweek
9 ? Reader's Digest
8 ? Ladies' Home Journal
7 ? True Confessions
6 ? Comic books
By contrast, the following text is an example of very foggy writing from the Wiki article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gunning-Fog Index

"The word logorrhoea is often used pejoratively to describe prose that is highly abstract and contains little concrete language. Since abstract writing is hard to visualize, it often seems as though it makes no sense and all the words are excessive. Writers in academic fields that concern themselves mostly with the abstract, such as philosophy and especially postmodernism, often fail to include extensive concrete examples of their ideas, and so a superficial examination of their work might lead one to believe that it is all nonsense."
Words counted: 86
Total Sentences: 3
Complex words: 13
Fog Index: 17.5131782945736
Verdict: Obama can out-fog the foggiest.
Here's some advice for Obama from the website:
1) Write short sentences. Most sentences may be written with 18 words orless. You may consider breaking down a sentence in two if that still keep the logic of your statements.
2) Replace long words (3 or more syllables) with smaller words. Applyingthese two cited actions will reduce your fog index and your text will become more readable.
Additional tips for improving your writing:
- Use stronger verbs, the ones who show actions. Those are the stronger ones. The next stronger ones are the ones that involve dialog such as speaking and saying, and next the ones that involve thinking or feeling. The weakest verbs are the passive verbs.
- Revise your verbs and make sure your verbs are in agreement with your nouns.
- Use fewer adjectives and adverbs. Most of the time, verbs and nouns may communicate well and in some cases adjectives or adverbs may be not necessary.
- Layout your text before writing and think about the audience and the outcome you expect with your paper.

Martin

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]There's been some discussion on whether Obama writes his own speeches or has a speechwriter. Based on a letter Ron ... from the letter into a Fog Index calculator. It is almost off-the-scale foggy. I conclude that he has a speechwriter.[/nq]
Or he's smart enough to know that what works in a letter to a governmental entity might be a wee bit different than what works in a public speech.
Maybe?

Sal
Ye olde swarm of links: thousands of links for writers, researchers and the terminally curious

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]There's been some discussion on whether Obama writes his own speeches or has a speechwriter. Based on a letter Ron ... from the letter into a Fog Index calculator. It is almost off-the-scale foggy. I conclude that he has a speechwriter.[/nq]
[nq:2]From Obama's letter:[/nq]
[nq:1]"There is grave concern in low-income communities about a potential coming wave of foreclosures. Because regulators are partly responsible for creating the environment that is leading to rising rates of home foreclosure in the subprime mortgage market, I urge you immediately to convene a home ownership preservation summit with leading mortgage lenders, investors, loan servicing organizations, consumer advocates, federal regulators and housing-related agencies to assess options for private sector responses to the challenge. "We cannot sit on the sidelines while increasing numbers of American families face the risk of losing their homes. And while neither the government nor the private sector acting alone is capable of quickly balancing the important interests in widespread access to credit and responsible lending, both must act and act quickly. Working together, the relevant private sector entities and regulators may be best positioned for quick and targeted responses to mitigate the danger. Rampant foreclosures are in nobody's interest, and I believe this is a case where all responsible industry players can share the objective of eliminating deceptive or abusive practices, preserving homeownership, and stabilizing housing markets. "The summit should consider best practice loan marketing, underwriting, and origination practices consistent with the recent (and overdue) regulators' Proposed Statement on Subprime Mortgage Lending. The summit participants should also evaluate options for independent loan counseling, voluntary loan restructuring, limited forbearance, and other possible workout strategies." http://www.nlpmax.com/Tests/FogIndex.aspx Words counted: 227 Total Sentences: 8 Complex words: 66 Fog Index: 22.9799559471366 Typical Fog Indices: 12 ? Atlantic Monthly 11 ? TIME, Harper's 10 ? Newsweek 9 ? Reader's Digest 8 ? Ladies' Home Journal 7 ? True Confessions 6 ? Comic books By contrast, the following text is an example of very foggy writing from the Wiki article Index "The word logorrhoea is often used pejoratively to describe prose that is highly abstract and contains little concrete language. Since abstract writing is hard to visualize, it often seems as though it makes no sense and all the words are excessive. Writers in academic fields that concern themselves mostly with the abstract, such as philosophy and especially postmodernism, often fail to include extensive concrete examples of their ideas, and so a superficial examination of their work might lead one to believe that it is all nonsense." Words counted: 86 Total Sentences: 3 Complex words: 13 Fog Index: 17.5131782945736 Verdict: Obama can out-fog the foggiest. Here's some advice for Obama from the website: 1) Write short sentences. Most sentences may be written with 18 words or less. You may consider breaking down a sentence in two if that still keep the logic of your statements. 2) Replace long words (3 or more syllables) with smaller words. Applying these two cited actions will reduce your fog index and your text will become more readable. Additional tips for improving your writing: - Use stronger verbs, the ones who show actions. Those are the stronger ones. The next stronger ones are the ones that involve dialog such as speaking and saying, and next the ones that involve thinking or feeling. The weakest verbs are the passive verbs. - Revise your verbs and make sure your verbs are in agreement with your nouns. - Use fewer adjectives and adverbs. Most of the time, verbs and nouns may communicate well and in some cases adjectives or adverbs may be not necessary. - Layout your text before writing and think about the audience and the outcome you expect with your paper. Martin[/nq]
What a stunning bit of analysis! If only there was a way we mere mortals, without such cogitative powers, could have learned that Obama used a speechwriter.
Oh, wait.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/84756
http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1837368,00.html

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the daily dish/2008/01/meet-obamas-spe.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/20/fashion/20speechwriter.html

Of course it was widely reported that Obama did write the post-Rev Wright "race" speech by himself. But if there is indeed "some discussion" about whether or not he writes his own speeches, it must be between people who don't read a lot...

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]There's been some discussion on whether Obama writes his own ... almost off-the-scale foggy. I conclude that he has a speechwriter.[/nq]
[nq:1]Or he's smart enough to know that what works in a letter to a governmental entity might be a wee bit different than what works in a public speech. Maybe?[/nq]
Exactly.
Much of the "fog index" was flagged because Obama was referencing jargon-filled reports and or programs. These weren't his inventions.

And it's apples and oranges. A letter to Paulson and Bernake has a different purpose and different set of rules than a political speech.

Try going into a court of law, as a defendant and addressing the judge: "Hey, dude, how's it hangin'?"
The question is: "Given what the letter needed to convey and to whom it was addressed, was it effectively written?" I'd say yes. I only needed to read through it once and it was clear to me what points Obama wanted to make.
It also shows that he had a clear understanding, two years in advance, where we were headed. He clearly wasn't claiming the US economy "was fundamentally sound".
But if you disagree with me rewrite Obama's letter. Show me how it should have been done.

Usenet · Answer

"Towse"
[nq:2]There's been some discussion on whether Obama writes his own ... almost off-the-scale foggy. I conclude that he has a speechwriter.[/nq]
[nq:1]Or he's smart enough to know that what works in a letter to a governmental entity might be a wee bit different than what works in a public speech. Maybe?[/nq]
I'm sure he does know to change his style. The post was a bit tongue in cheek.
But geez, do you think that letter got anyone motivated? Or did they yawn and slip it under the bottom of the pile and say, "I'll do something about it when I can understand it." That letter was pitched at about a doctorate level. The poor goverment official who had to deal with it must have been completely baffled.

Martin
"Spurning bureaucratese since 1966"

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]There's been some discussion on whether Obama writes his own ... of foreclosures. Because regulators are partly responsible for creating [/nq]
[nq:1]What a stunning bit of analysis! If only there was a way we mere mortals, without such cogitative powers, could ... write the post-Rev Wright "race" speech by himself. But if there is indeed "some discussion" about whether or not [/nq]
* William Safire, Ben Stein, Pat Buchanan wrote for Richard Nixon. * Don Watson wrote for Australian Prime Minister Paul Keating. * Peggy Noonan wrote for the Reagan administration. * Judson T. Welliver wrote for Calvin Coolidge. Welliver is considered the first official presidential speechwriter, however Alexander Hamilton is thought by some(citation needed) to have written speeches for George Washington.
* Michael Gerson wrote for President George W. Bush. * William McGurn (former Wall Street Journal editorial writer) replaced Michael Gerson recently as chief speechwriter for President George W. Bush.
* Jon Favreau was the head speechwriter for Barack Obama's presidential campaign.

Usenet · Answer

"rabkin"
[nq:1]Of course it was widely reported that Obama did write the post-Rev Wright "race" speech by himself. But if there is indeed "some discussion" about whether or not he writes his own speeches, it must be between people who don't read a lot...[/nq]
I *do* read a lot here on mwsm pages and pages and pages. I recall a thread where there was speculation on whether Obama wrote his own speeches. There wasn't a definitive answer, as I recall.
You don't expect me to actually get off my **** and research the issue, do you? Deduction is so much more fun. Ask the ancient Greeks. Ask Sherlock Holmes.
But thank you for the links. I read the NY Times one. I saw this sentence: 'For his inspiration, Mr. Favreau said, "I actually read a lot of Bobby Kennedy."' (I put the closing quote in the correct place, Mr NYT proofreader.)
As it happens, RFK made a speech here at the University of Cape Town more than forty years ago. I was there. He started off in electrifying fashion, saying, "I am here because of my love for a country where the Dutch built a fort, which won independence from Britain, dah dah dah..." and we all thought he was talking about South Africa, because the early histories of SA and the USA are very similar. Then he said, "I refer of course to my love for America," and continued with boilerplate domestic politics for the American press corps not pertinent to the occasion, which was to protest academic repression, so I lost interest in the rest of the speech.

Funny enough, that speech came up the other day on talk radio, which is why I remember it now. I have to say, for that first ten minutes, he had us in the palm of his hand.

Martin

Usenet · Answer

I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with a fox.
I will not eat them with a mouse.
I will not eat them in a house.
I will not eat them here or there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I do not eat green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.
Words counted: 60
Total Sentences: 8
Complex words: 2
Fog Index: 4.33

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Of course it was widely reported that Obama did write the post-Rev Wright "race" speech by himself. But if there is indeed "some discussion" about whether or not he writes his own speeches, it must be between people who don't read a lot...[/nq]
And McCain's speech writer, I'm CRAFTing on his name, would produce such a turn of phrase that would often produce McCain's rather creepy grin.

The Peripatetic Samurai Robot

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]There's been some discussion on whether Obama writes his own ... of foreclosures. Because regulators are partly responsible for creating [/nq]
[nq:1]What a stunning bit of analysis! If only there was a way we mere mortals, without such cogitative powers, could ... write the post-Rev Wright "race" speech by himself. But if there is indeed "some discussion" about whether or not [/nq]
Or maybe, given that before he got into politics he trained as a lawyer, he (unlike some other people) understands the distinction between a written brief and a closing argument delivered to a jury.

To attempt to judge a lawyer's skill at the latter by an analysis of the former would, I suspect, yield a comparably high "fog index" and be an equally pointless exercise.
NMS

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]There's been some discussion on whether Obama writes his own speeches or has a speechwriter. Based on a letter Ron ... from the letter into a Fog Index calculator. It is almost off-the-scale foggy. I conclude that he has a speechwriter.[/nq]
[nq:2]From Obama's letter:[/nq]
A letter is not a speech. And this "letter" with Obama's "lawyer hat" on. Has nothing to do with writing speeches.

RonB
"There's a story there...somewhere"

Obama's fog index

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions