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Lady feezeed Posted 17 years ago
Grammar
Notification memo
i just drafted a notification memo, to inform this one company on termination of our contract with this travel agent. we also want them to join our new programme.
is this memo ok? seek your comments.
thank you.
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Referring to the above matter, we would like to inform your good side on the termination of ELDDY contract with XYZ Travel Agent starting from 10th June 2009.
For your information, the ELDDY Loyalty Programme (ELoP) was successfully launched on 30th July 2009; as per direction from our CEO. This programme represent major milestone of our efforts in achieving our vision to become the no.1, Brand of Choice.
We understand that you have a business commitments with XYZ Travel Agent , hence, we would like to recommend you to embark on this new programme as a platform to promote both, your side services and also our programme, ELoP.
We seek your cooperation and commitment towards this programme.
is this memo ok? seek your comments.
thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Referring to the above matter, we would like to inform your good side on the termination of ELDDY contract with XYZ Travel Agent starting from 10th June 2009.
For your information, the ELDDY Loyalty Programme (ELoP) was successfully launched on 30th July 2009; as per direction from our CEO. This programme represent major milestone of our efforts in achieving our vision to become the no.1, Brand of Choice.
We understand that you have a business commitments with XYZ Travel Agent , hence, we would like to recommend you to embark on this new programme as a platform to promote both, your side services and also our programme, ELoP.
We seek your cooperation and commitment towards this programme.
Top answer
As I understand it, your company had an ELDDY contract with XYZ. This contract is now terminated. You're writing to some other company, call them ABC, to tell them about this contract termination because it affects them in some way.
- As I understand it, your company had an ELDDY contract with XYZ.
- This contract is now terminated.
- You're writing to some other company, call them ABC, to tell them about this contract termination because it affects them in some way.
- You're suggesting that ABC should sign up to ELoP, which is a new programme replacing the now-defunct ELDDY.
- I don't exactly understand why ABC having a business relationship with XYZ should make them (rather than XYZ) likely candidates to sign up to the ELDDY replacement programme, but I guess it all makes sense to someone who knows more about the background...
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3 Answers
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As I understand it, your company had an ELDDY contract with XYZ. This contract is now terminated. You're writing to some other company, call them ABC, to tell them about this contract termination because it affects them in some way. You're suggesting that ABC should sign up to ELoP, which is a new programme replacing the now-defunct ELDDY. I don't exactly understand why ABC having a business rela
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A "you" attitude is very important in business writing. You may want to reword some of the sentences to eliminate the "me" references. Also, it's good to get straight to the point. Focus on reader benefits when you are rewriting this.
BTW, what is the main focus of the message? If the focus is on the new programme, then there's no need to bring up the contract termination as the fi
BTW, what is the main focus of the message? If the focus is on the new programme, then there's no need to bring up the contract termination as the fi
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thanks to all of you.
somehow when i want to write, i tend to write it in a long sentence but actly it unnecessary.
it just to make the sentence longer and at last, the message was not delivered well to the audience.
my grammar is bad, sometimes i just want the sentence to be heard nice when i read it without care bout the grammar.
somehow when i want to write, i tend to write it in a long sentence but actly it unnecessary.
it just to make the sentence longer and at last, the message was not delivered well to the audience.
my grammar is bad, sometimes i just want the sentence to be heard nice when i read it without care bout the grammar.
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