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Anonymous Posted 15 years ago
Letter Writing

Notice

I got a piece of homework that is to write a notice.i don't know whether it is correct or not.Anyone could help me find the errors?i'll really appreciate that.The notice i wrote likes that:

Swimarathon for a commonweal item

Are you interested in or good at swimming?We are organizing a charity swimarathon to raise money in order to buy a new lung machine for the Pacific Hospital.

We need you:

-team of six people who take turns to swim a length of the swimming pool.

-each swimmer, have to find sponsors who promise to pay you some money for every length you swim-10p a length is usua.

-and your team swim as many as possible in one hour.the more lengths you swim,the more money you will raise.

If you want to take part in and you can make it,just do it.

DATES:Sunday,31st,July

Venue:Jonathan Swimming Pool

For more inquiries,please ask the hospital's receptionist,Angela Smith.

Phone number:********

7th,July,****

is this format okay?
  

Top answer

Hi I'd say that's very good. The idea of a notice is to capture the imagination in as few words as possible and to draw people into what you are saying. There are one or two parts that I'm not sure about, but they are minor..

  • Hi I'd say that's very good.
  • The idea of a notice is to capture the imagination in as few words as possible and to draw people into what you are saying.
  • There are one or two parts that I'm not sure about, but they are minor..
  • Swimarathon for a commonweal item - I'm not sure.
  • I am thinking, in English, it's a "charity event"?
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3 Answers
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Hi

I'd say that's very good. The idea of a notice is to capture the imagination in as few words as possible and to draw people into what you are saying. There are one or two parts that I'm not sure about, but they are minor..

Swimarathon for a commonweal item

- I'm not sure. I am thinking, in English, it's a "charity event"?

And the rest of my corrections are
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thx a lot.it helps a lot.i was just not sure my grammar or idea,so i posted it.Do you think how i could change my notice's title?i cannot come up with one that is conclusive n precise.
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Hi

I've thought about it, but I can't come up with a really good idea. I think the noun is definitely "event"

As said: it could be called a charity event; or you could say it is a community event. So you could have..

- Swimarathon! - Next Month! - Our New Community Event!

- ********** ********* ********************

I'm not sure. Perhaps the word on

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