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Contiluo Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Nothing serious

Please help me correct the paragraph. Thanks a lot.

Last Sunday, while I was strolling along the lake, I saw a boy swimming in the lake. I was very worried about him because it was dangerous to swim in the lake. Suddenly, I heard someone crying out for help. I turned around to see the boy sinking in the lake. Immediately, I jumped into the lake to save him and pulled him back to the shore. Fortunately, he was nothing serious. When he revived, I admonished him that he should have watched the sign “No Swimming” before jumping into the lake.
  

Top answer

contiluo Last Sunday, while I was strolling along the lake, That makes it seem like you were on the lake. It would be better as: Last Sunday, while I was strolling by the lake, contiluo I saw a boy swimming in the lake. This is a bit repetitive.

— Anonymous

  • contiluo Last Sunday, while I was strolling along the lake, That makes it seem like you were on the lake.
  • It would be better as: Last Sunday, while I was strolling by the lake, contiluo I saw a boy swimming in the lake.
  • This is a bit repetitive.
  • It would be better as: I saw a boy swimming there .
  • continuo was very worried about him because it was dangerous to swim in the lake.
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2 Answers
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contiluoLast Sunday, while I was strolling along the lake,
That makes it seem like you were on the lake. It would be better as: Last Sunday, while I was strolling by the lake,
contiluoI saw a boy swimming in the lake.
This is a bit repetitive. It would be better as: I saw
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contiluoImmediately, I jumped into the lake to save him
Immediately, I jumped in to save him
contiluoand pulled him back to the shore.
You have not mentioned which shore in particular, so, it would be better to delete "the" and use the word ashore
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