Nothing like a good Balls-up!

From Nobby Piles writing for The Bangkok Post.
"You can't beat a good balls-up."
In a recent issue of the Australian News magazine "Bulletin", there was an article by Garry Linnell bemoaning the fact that sports television and radio commentators don't make as many gaffes as they used to.
This is extremely disturbing news.
Are the days of Murray Walker informing us
"This would have been Senna's third win in a row had he won the two before" gone forever? or, Alan Minter explaining "Sure there are deaths and injuries in boxing, but nothing serious"

The reason for this undesirable development is said to be that the commentators have access to so much more information these days there is no real excuse for a major balls-up. Well, at least nothing like Norman May's faux pas in the 1972 Olympics when he informed everyone
"Here comes Sri..Sri..yes it's Sri Lanka. That must be West German for 'Ceylon'."
But all is not lost. As long as we still have the likes of Walker, Minter, and a host of other contenders around, the commentating ***-up's will continue.
It is not so much the facts, but the way they are delivered in a mangle of mixed metaphors and malapropisms that will always provide entertainment, no matter how dull the sporting event.

It is not only Murray Walker who messes up racing commentaries, A few years ago Derek Warwick gave viewers the following words of wisdom: "Mansell, Senna, Prost. Put them in any order and you'll end up with the same three drivers"
Admittedly, this doesn't quite match up with Walkers classic: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind which is absolutely identical"
One of the golden rules for commentators is to make it sound like you know what you are talking about even if you havn't a clue what's going on. Someone who failed miserably in this respect was John Snagge in his radio commentary for the Oxford and cambridge boat race oin 1952. In what was admittedly a tight race, an increasingly confused snagge informed listeners: "Oxford in front. No. Cambridge. No. Oxford. I don't know who's in front, Oxford or Cambridge.
It seems commentating on the boat race is a bit of a verbal minefield. Another BBC radio commentator raised a few eyebrows when he pronounced "The wife of the Oxford President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew"
Snagge didn't have much better success when reporting cricket either, Reading out a county cricket score, he announced
"Yorkshire 232 all out. Len Hutton ill..No. I'm sorry, Len Hutton 111"

You can't discuss cricket commentaries without mentioning the late Brian Johnston whose outstanding Bon Mots on the radio have been recorded in this column on several occaisions. It was Johnston who told listeners " You have come over at a most appropriate time. Trevor Bailey has just relieved himself at the Pavillion end"