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Ravi Kanth Posted 12 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Not Able to Make Any Head Way with Editing This Paragraph
Hi,
I am unable to make any progress with editing the following paragraph. Can you please help? Also, if you can give any suggestions for proofreading it would be great.
"Manish helped me articulate the communication across all primary business verticals, be it, sales or marketing or hiring or pitches. He has a VERY strong understanding of human element of every context. In every vertical, we deal with people and are trying to get them to agree/believe/ participate to a plan or vision. Manish makes every such interaction successful by focusing on the people and channeling the whole process to get the audience to own it! Eg: Making a pitch. Manish doesn’t start by asking what the pitch is about, rather he starts by asking Why the pitch? Who is the pitch for? Why should the audience reciprocate and how? And what do they expect from the pitch to take a decision on it? As i have learnt from him, “What” is only factual, a matter of time and rigor. It is the purpose, context and human-impact that actually gets you closer to your results."
I am unable to make any progress with editing the following paragraph. Can you please help? Also, if you can give any suggestions for proofreading it would be great.
"Manish helped me articulate the communication across all primary business verticals, be it, sales or marketing or hiring or pitches. He has a VERY strong understanding of human element of every context. In every vertical, we deal with people and are trying to get them to agree/believe/ participate to a plan or vision. Manish makes every such interaction successful by focusing on the people and channeling the whole process to get the audience to own it! Eg: Making a pitch. Manish doesn’t start by asking what the pitch is about, rather he starts by asking Why the pitch? Who is the pitch for? Why should the audience reciprocate and how? And what do they expect from the pitch to take a decision on it? As i have learnt from him, “What” is only factual, a matter of time and rigor. It is the purpose, context and human-impact that actually gets you closer to your results."
Top answer
You have already had several suggestions on the first part of your paragraph, but you have not incorporated those changes, Ravi. Why is that?
- You have already had several suggestions on the first part of your paragraph, but you have not incorporated those changes, Ravi.
- Why is that?
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4 Answers
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You have already had several suggestions on the first part of your paragraph, but you have not incorporated those changes, Ravi. Why is that?
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I would write it all this way:
"
"
- Manish helped me formulate the communication across all primary business verticals, be it, sales or marketing or hiring or pitches."
- "understanding of the human element of "
- " agree/believe/ participate in a plan"
- " As Ihave learnt from him,"
- "Making a sales talk." (not sure)
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Mister MicawberRavi. Why is that?I was not able to comment on this page because of some technical glitch. When I hit the reply it kept redirecting back to the same page. I wanted to inform that I got a better first line from a different post. With the help of suggestions in the other thread I was able to make changes.
I am informing now because every
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erica24I would write it all this way:"Manish helped me formulate the communication across all primary business verticals, be it, sales or marketing or hiring or pitches.""understanding of the human element of "" agree/believe/ participate in a plan"" As Ihave learnt from him,""Making a sales talk." (not sure)Erica,
I do not understand your suggestion. Can
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